Today I want to talk about the prevention of codependent relationships in the family. A codependent person is a person whose main feature is ignoring his own discomfort. For him, discomfort is not a serious and compelling argument for changing the situation. If a codependent family member experiences, to put it mildly, inconvenience, then he will ignore, put off, not pay attention to his condition and thus not change anything in the situation. There is a danger of such behavior occurring in almost any family. And this, as a rule, leads to the fact that some of the needs of codependents remain unsatisfied. They endure discomfort for a long time, which periodically results in breakdowns, scandals, and aggressive outbursts towards a sick (dependent) relative. That's not all - after a few years of suppressing your needs, the risk of somatic diseases increases. This is the main danger of the codependent model of relationships. Another leading feature is hypercontrol. The more it is, the more disastrous the consequences will be for the relationship. No one likes having their behavior controlled by another person. The codependent controls everything and everyone - the behavior of the spouse, children in his family, the patient himself. Caring for a sick relative is also subject to hypercontrol - excessive control over nutrition, compliance with procedures, treatment, dressing and medication regimen. Such hypercontrol is already a clear sign that changes have followed a codependent scenario. I will name another characteristic - low self-esteem. Here there is a feeling that “there is something wrong with me,” that there is some kind of defect in what is happening. This is the danger. One of the key features of codependent families that needs to be worked with is the total blurring of personal boundaries. In such families, few people understand and understand where whose needs are, where whose emotions, intentions and desires are. In other words, it’s a complete mess. Prevention here is defining your boundaries and maintaining their integrity. Understanding where is my life, and where is the life of the patient, where is the life of healthy family members, where is the life of a sick relative, where is the life of my children, where is the patient. Regarding children in such families, I would like to say separately, since their lives can become “hostage” of the provision caring for a sick relative, and this, oh, how wrong. This is unfair from the point of view of a healthy child, since the appearance of the disease was not his desire. It may also be that the child appeared in a family where there was already a sick person and this was also not his choice. There are families where children are given no choice not to care for an addict. And providing this choice to a child is extremely important. This is how the future adult will distinguish his life from the life of his family, his life from the life of a sick person. This very difference creates boundaries and makes a healthy child freer from the possible pathological consequences of having a seriously ill relative in the family. Of course, this is not easy, but it is still worth asking yourself the question as often as possible - “Where is my emotion, and where is the patient’s emotion? Where is my need, and where is the patient’s need?” And as often as possible, you need to explore whether your life is turning into endless care, concern and anxiety about a sick relative. It is important that each family member has his own area of ​​life, his own interests, his own favorite activities that are not related to the life of the patient. These are the things that are necessary to prevent codependent relationships in a situation with a sick relative. This, by the way, applies not only to such situations. Sincerely, practical psychologist Dina Kotovskova.