From the author: “True love always creates and never destroys. And this is man’s only hope.” Leonardo Buscaglia At first glance, these lines and the title of this article contain a contradiction. But this is only at first glance. It takes time for love to become real and strong. It requires partners to be tested for strength and maturity, since only mature love can be real. Relationships often begin with falling in love, but it does not always turn into love. One might even say - rarely. But a person is impatient in his desires and wants to be close to his chosen one. And usually, at the stage of falling in love, marriages are concluded, since the intensity of feelings is great, the lover is in “rose-colored glasses” and sees an altered reality: he (s) is the best; this is love to the grave, we will never be separated, etc... After about 18 months (usually), the veil falls and a real person stands before us with his own pros and cons. And yet, despite the fact that there are no people without shortcomings, there are certain personality traits that do not allow a couple to develop from love to love, but contribute to the separation of partners, the growth of disunity and misunderstanding. Both men and women can have such characteristics. This is what destroys a born relationship: Selfishness; Irresponsibility; Deceit; Manipulation; Anger; Addiction; Violence; Authority; Criticism and condemnation; Attempts to induce feelings of guilt. Let's take a closer look: Selfishness contributes to alienation and focusing on yourself and your own needs. “I do things just to make me feel good.” What kind of partnership is possible with this approach? If at least one pulls the “blanket” to his side, then the second will sooner or later remain deprived and exhausted. Love is like an ebb and flow: you give and they give back to you, a constant exchange. if one only gives, and the other (egoism) only receives, then the giver gradually loses strength and energy: “A tree that grows on stones dies someday”... Any source needs food. Irresponsibility is the scourge of the Russian population. Maybe I’m wrong, but I associate it with the stay of our population in a long totalitarian system, when the party was our “father and mother” and did not want its “children” - Soviet citizens - to grow up and take responsibility for everything what happens to them in life. Plus the lack of high-quality psychological assistance and training, where personal growth occurs. Irresponsibility is getting married (getting married) and transferring your life into the hands of a partner; continue to expect from others instead of your own actions; inaction, etc. When one is irresponsible, the other partner has to carry a double burden on his shoulders. He accumulates resentment, irritation and fatigue; he becomes more and more distant emotionally and physically. Deceit. It is unlikely that anyone needs to explain that lies destroy trust, and love without trust is impossible. Even saying something unflattering about him behind your chosen one’s back (complaining to a friend) is a lie. Not to mention betrayal...Manipulation is inherent in those who are not ready for the truth and open relationships. They have a detrimental effect on both partners. “If you don’t go to the store, then I won’t go to your parents” is an open manipulation; “I’m very sick and there’s no one to go get medicine,” the grandmother says loudly in the presence of adult children - an example of hidden manipulation. Manipulation undermines relationships because the manipulator (the one who manipulates) uses the other to his advantage not openly, but by clinging to “painful hooks” victims of manipulation. Usually, people who are not confident in themselves are manipulated. Anger is verbal aggression and, of course, cannot contribute to building relationships. Openly expressing your feelings and throwing out aggression on your partner are not the same thing. Anyone who has not learned to control their emotions is simply still immature. There are different addictions, but those that destroy a person’s personality are dangerous (chemical, emotional, gaming, food,