Relationships are a lifeline for some, but a loop in a ring for others. Mark Levy Once upon a time there was a girl Masha. When she grew up, she really wanted to meet “the one” and have a big family. Every time she entered into a relationship, she hoped that happiness would come soon. But it didn't come. The relationship didn't work out. The men completed them first. She got married once, but the marriage did not last long. She often asked herself: what is wrong with me? Why can't you build harmonious relationships? How to choose “the one”? Really, how does this happen? Why don't relationships work out? How do people choose partners? Everything is simple and complex at the same time. A person’s choice always does not happen by chance, be it friends, spouses, activities or hobbies. Conventionally, we can say that people are “attracted” to each other like puzzles. This choice is not always meaningful. Most of the human psyche is not conscious of itself. It is called the unconscious, which plays a huge role for everyone. The unconscious is formed in the process of life and includes all experiences, thoughts, desires. The unconscious primarily contains information about how his parents treated a person; this is the key mechanism for choosing a partner. In childhood, events could occur that were perceived by the child as traumatic. The child could feel rejected, unwanted, unloved. These are very difficult experiences. Without a parent, a child cannot live in the literal sense of the word. He is forced to somehow adapt to the conditions in which he grows. But the need for love doesn’t go anywhere... Now the child grows up... He really wants to get to the deficits of childhood. He looks for this in a relationship. But the unconscious can choose first of all what it knows. In this case, the partner becomes similar to the parent in his attitude. Experiences reminiscent of childhood arise. People can change, but the relationships are the same... This happens because the unconscious is trying in this way to cope with the traumatic experience and get out of it as a winner... How Masha can overcome this, we will consider in the next article...