CRITICISM - PAIN OR FEEDBACK? A very common occurrence in everyday life is that a small, seemingly harmless and non-offensive remark (or even advice) from one person infuriates or ruins the whole day of another person. And okay, if someone just got off on the wrong foot and poured out their bad mood on you, then you don’t have to waste your nerves and time and pass by. But sometimes criticism is useful and simply necessary as feedback, for example, in work or other important points. And what should you do if you need feedback, but even the most harmless, correct comments make everything turn upside down inside you and you instantly become demotivated? Let's figure out why this happens? FIRST. We must accept that a painful reaction to criticism is only the “tip” of deeper problems. Criticism is perceived painfully only when it hits an existing pain point. For example, ask yourself, “Would I be criticized if a zoo monkey reprimanded me about my legs or arms?” Conclusion - where “it doesn’t hurt, it’s impossible to cause pain with criticism.” SECOND. There are many reasons for a painful reaction to criticism. Basically these are: 1. The tricks of the inner critic. A very influential part of the personality, which also engages in self-criticism. How does this happen? When we hear a remark addressed to us, it resonates with the unpleasant expectations of the inner critic, he perceives it as negatively as possible and he immediately devalues ​​everything, a negative picture of the future is drawn and unpleasant conclusions are drawn. And you perceive criticism as “Well, of course, I thought that nothing good would come of me.” 2. Psychological trauma. A person who has experienced psychological trauma has received significant mental damage and, of course, criticism that resonates with this trauma will be perceived painfully. And then from the criticism you read a message like “So, danger again! The situation is repeated again, you are destroyed, so either fight or run, you know how it turned out last time.” Narcissism. It is believed that in order to maintain healthy self-esteem, every person has a narcissistic part of their personality. People who have a pronounced narcissistic radical seek positive confirmation in the eyes of other people due to the lack of an adequate perception of their “I”. In this case, criticism is not just someone's negative opinion, but an element that destroys you, because it makes you feel defective, worthless, as if something shameful was put on public display. There is also a feeling of shame involved here, since narcissism feeds on the illusion of ideality and the absence of failures, thus avoiding shame. Paranoia. I don’t mean an official diagnosis (it’s more complicated there). Rather, we are talking about people with paranoid character traits; they always have “everything for a reason” and are easily suggestible. And therefore, such a person easily perceives any criticism as a deliberate desire to offend, hurt, or wound him. Criticism is perceived by him as “So you have revealed your true face, I knew that you were a bad person!” Agree, it is difficult to live among enemies. Depression. If a person is experiencing depression or simply a difficult period in life, he is vulnerable to criticism, moreover, it intensifies the depressive state. Here, unlike narcissism, a person feels his “I”, but he has lost motivation and hope for something good. In a depressed state, it is difficult to respond adequately to criticism because there is no strength or desire to correct it. There are still a huge number of reasons, and many of them simply need to be worked out in order to make it easier to perceive comments addressed to you, which, alas, cannot be avoided. Here are some recommendations on how to more easily accept criticism: If you know in advance that you are going to hear someone’s comments, prepare your emotional armor in advance. The most common thing is to imagine that there is a brick wall, a dome, or something else around you, through which no one can penetrate or hurt you..