There are few things that can compare in power to parental love. This attitude towards children is inherent in man by nature itself. But it is not uncommon for this same love to take, to put it mildly, bizarre forms. This is one of the reasons that for some people, relationships with parents become very problematic, and begin to greatly influence the person’s life as a whole. Sometimes problems in relationships with parents become so great that people are unable to resolve any of their issues, but are forced to look for ways to resolve relationships with their parents. Why is it so important for a person to have a positive relationship with his parents? Our psyche is structured in such a way that we need (!) to receive approval from the outside, in connection with this we have a need for unconditional love, and only parents can give it. It is this feeling that in many cases is the basis of a person’s self-esteem. After all, a child feels and understands his first acceptance by the world through communication with his mother. Over time, a person learns to receive approval not only from the parental environment, but despite this, the person remains, not always consciously aware, of the need to be accepted and understood by his parents in the first place. This is understandable, because a person begins his communications with society by communicating with them. The approval and love of parents is very important for any person. In cases where people do not receive this from their older family members (for various reasons), they seek to fill the resulting hole with the approval of others. This often results in the person starting to try to please the total majority. In other words, there is an attempt to replace the quality of approval with its quantity. Such behavior can often be dangerous, in an emotional sense, for the person himself, but the thirst for approval is very strong. There is a statement that if we recognize and understand the problem, it ceases to control us. In cases of problematic relationships with parents, this works with great difficulty. Because a person has a very strong craving for his parents. But sometimes the behavior of mom or dad calls into question the very concept of parental love. This happens in situations where parents, not wanting to recognize the right of an already adult child to self-determination, begin to lower his self-esteem, or even devalue all his achievements. In some cases this is done very actively. With this kind of attitude on the part of parents, conflict is inevitable. Often a person, not wanting to spoil relationships with people dear to him, tries to smooth out differences, but this is not always a solution. It is not uncommon for parents who have totalitarian character traits and are prone to manipulation to very easily take conflict to a new level. Such relationships can be considered toxic, since in them neither the parents achieve their goals, and the “adult child” is forced to spend energy justifying his views. Parents most often put pressure on them with their experience and their love (an almost win-win combination) and it is sometimes difficult for a person to do anything to oppose this. However, it should be understood that true love is, first of all, support and understanding, even of what may seem new and unfamiliar. Changing the situation in such relationships is very difficult; this can only be possible if both the “adult child” and the parents want these changes. Unfortunately, in reality, parents are not always ready to move away from the principles and patterns of behavior to which they have been accustomed for decades. Then it remains to look for a way out in communicating with them by taboo topics about which conflicts and disagreements arise. It may be easier to agree on this than on fundamental issues. This can help normalize relations, and perhaps be the first step towards resolving the main conflict. In any case, there can be no winner in the war between parents and children. Live with joy! Anton Chernykh.