Women regularly come to me for consultations complaining about bad relationships with their partners; they believe that they sacrifice a lot in these relationships and receive little in return. There is a lot of bitterness in the words of my clients, unspoken grievances, regrets about wasted years of life. In this article, we will look at how women fall into this vicious circle, as well as the causes and consequences of such relationships. For more than 15 years, I gave myself to relationships in which I was humiliated, devalued, criticized, but I tried to do everything so that our family could be happy. For this she endured a lot, never declared her desires, swallowed insults and forgave. I could never defend my interests and did not like to swear. I tried to be good. Instead of gratitude, they exchanged me for another. Sacrifice in relationships: causes and consequences. Causes of the “victim complex”: 1. Parental attitudes A victim complex arises in a person in childhood, when parents, due to their own pedagogical neglect, either from lack of time, or thoughtlessly copying victim programs taken from their own parental family, prohibit their child from various manifestations of activity. They scold him for the slightest disobedience. , reacts inadequately to his pranks, thereby blocking the child’s creative activity and exploratory behavior, impose strict prohibitions and subject him to severe punishment. And this complex has several stages. 2. Encouragement and punishment Parents reward the child for behavior that is conditionally good and convenient for them, which develops in him only one single skill of adaptation to the environment - adjustment. To please parents, you need to be comfortable for them, flatter them, so as not to receive another punishment. If the child continues to persist and show his natural creative qualities, in return he once again receives a strict ban and punishment.3. Breaking down the natural creative mechanism By testing space for the 10th, 20th time and getting the same result, the child develops an internal mental program: when you adapt, then you are good. And in return they will take care of you and reward you with some goodies or gifts. Give up on yourself and you will get something in return. And if you persist, you are bad and will be severely punished.4. The final installation of the mental program of the “victim”. This is the period after which the child no longer tries to do anything on his own and does only what the environment wants from him. Growing out of childhood and adolescence, an adult continues to carry this victim program within himself and react based on the way he has received and taught. adaptation to the environment through adjustment and abandonment of oneself. What are the consequences of this “sacrifice program”1. Manipulative behavior A way to adapt to life through the manipulation of dependent sacrificial behavior. Manipulation of one's sacrifice as the only way to survive. Such a crooked way to achieve what you want. Victim: - What do you want? Significant other: - Get a tip!2. Abandonment of oneself and one's interests Abandonment of oneself and one's interests in favor of a more significant other in order to receive care, gratitude, increase one's own self-esteem, receive love, respect, significance, considering oneself good. The victim delegates taking care of himself to another person, adapting to his interests, which is a crooked ability to silently and shamefully declare himself. A victim is like a person without individuality, without a face, he is only a reflection of his environment, constantly in the position of a small helpless child. The victim often resembles the cowardly lion from the fairy tale “The Wizard of Oz.” The victim gives up his power and does not accept responsibility for his life and actions3. Fusion and floating identity The victim is prone to neuroticism.