“Our relationship is like some kind of endless nightmare that just can’t end,” said Elvina. At the other end of the line I don’t see emotions, but I listen to the voice and the presentation of information in order to catch notes of mood and true desires. “It all started like with good young people: dates, love, conversations all night long, sunrises, meadows of flowers. They changed the person abruptly, he began to drink often after work, he came late, sat in the kitchen alone, talked to himself and banged on the table, I scared the children with this, and they had to get up for school in the morning,” Elvina continues. Elvina’s children grew up and got a profession. And the nightmare continues. “He hasn’t gained any more brains over the years, how much can you mock: walk around with a bat, and be ashamed of people.” I won’t describe the whole session now, I’ll only say that the extinguished voice, almost without intonation, as if everything in life was lost, suddenly gave way to a sob , Elvina wanted to solve her problem steadfastly, like a tin soldier, but her strength seemed to have run out... and her patience too. To my question, “What do you want to get?” Elvina said, “I don’t know whether to die, I’m tired of living like this.” Of course, in the matter of dying, I am not a helper, but then there are still a lot of questions for the woman, and Elvina, nevertheless, set a positive goal: “I want my life to be different, I want to be happy” - this is a great turn in life , hope, enlightenment that all is not lost. There is something to work on. How many similar life situations do women experience? If you see yourself here, ask yourself the question: “Do I like living this way, am I comfortable in my life?” I'm sure everyone will say "No!" out loud. So why, dear women, are you not going to take certain actions for your beloved to improve the quality of your life? Leave a man, or not leave, change yourself and your attitude to what is happening - you have to choose something, depending on what you want stay. It is difficult to make a decision, but except you personally, no one knows what will be best for you. Don't know what to do? For this, there are specialists who will help you understand yourself. Yes, it is difficult to “lose fear” and start acting, very difficult and scary. Do you want this? If “yes,” then get out of the “victim” position and move forward to changing your life! No matter how cruel it may sound now, some women actually like to be in the “victim” position; the man here takes the “aggressor” position, a friend without They cannot live with each other, because one uses the energy of the other, and the other easily gives his energy, while noticing the pitying glances of people on himself, receiving words of consolation, attention - this is how the lost energy is replenished. The aggressor, at the expense of the victim, increases his self-esteem in his own eyes, because he doesn’t know how to do it any other way, and he doesn’t want to (after all, there is such a simple way - to humiliate and beat his partner). If a woman suffers such humiliations almost her entire married life and does not take action no action, then such relationships are called neurotic. Mikhail Labkovsky has wonderful words about this: “I am against forceful breakups. Breakups in the genre of “I will never forget you, I will never see you...” Throwing, suffering, and off we go - drama, tears, “I love you” , I can’t live without you, but since you do this to me...” If you can’t live, then don’t break up! Neurotic relationships are precisely when being apart is impossible, but being together is even worse. so that you stop being sexually attracted to those who torment you, harass you no matter what - beatings or inattention" - a fragment from the book “I Want and Will”, It’s worth thinking about whether you really want to forget the relationship, like a nightmare? Or is this the attitude of a man that you like? Such a strong, sexual aggressor! Well, if you have already broken up with your tormentor, but you are haunted by terrible dreams or the memories of past relationships make you shudder, then here, of course, look at how often this happens to you. Brain.