I often hear complaints from clients that at first everything was fine, and then it was as if he had been replaced. Everyday life “ate up” all the advantages of the person she married or started dating. I recently observed a situation at the beginning of a relationship between two young people. The girl really didn’t like her boyfriend’s passion for computers and everything connected with it. This irritated her very much. She believed that there were more “useful” and “correct” hobbies: watching movies, reading smart books and going for walks. The relationship became increasingly tense. More quarrels began to occur over trifles. This lasted until the girl rethought the situation. She realized that when her boyfriend “digged” into the computer, he rested and disconnected from unnecessary thoughts. She became calmer about his hobby and stopped fighting him. Then a lot began to change. There was more warmth, care and attention on his part. The snowball of positive changes has been launched. Changes like these look simple. However, they require a lot of internal work. In this article we will discuss how to ensure that everyday issues and other situations do not lead to a loss of respect and interest in your partner. You will learn about how to help the man you love develop, move forward and take care of your “soul mate.” To find new solutions, you need to look at the situation from a different angle. A. Einstein also said that it is strange to continue to do the same thing and hope for a different result. Now I propose to think not about how to inspire, motivate and support our men, but, on the contrary. Let's imagine that our goal is to reduce a man's motivation and inspiration to do something to zero, to cause disgust for new projects and any of our proposals. What would you do in this case? I think you have already guessed why we are discussing this. By understanding how we are making things worse, we have the opportunity to stop doing it and improve the situation. For example, to improve your figure, you just need to stop eating fatty foods, eat at night and use public transport. The same is the case with the inspiration of representatives of the opposite sex. So, the first thing that “kills” a man’s inspiration and motivation is when we become the main ones, playing the role of a teacher. If we completely take the reins into our own hands, then all responsibility for the situation falls on our shoulders. All 100% responsibility. Is there anything left for our partner? No, he has no room to express himself and his initiative. When we take the position of a teacher, a man remains in the role of a child. Agree, from this role it is difficult to be proactive, independent and caring. Of course, such behavior in most cases is dictated by care, love and the desire to protect a loved one from problems or by one’s own anxiety and desire to control everything. Very often, men develop a kind of immunity to our moral teachings. When they hear such intonation in a voice, their brain turns off, but they continue to pretend that they are listening to us. For example, we may criticize our partners for eating poorly or leaving everything until the last minute. However, in most cases this does not lead to anything. This happens until they face the consequences of their actions. Sometimes it can be very useful not to stop a spouse or young person trying to eat fatty and heavy food at night, but to observe without interfering. Then, perhaps, when he feels “something wrong” in the morning, he will act differently next time. Although even after this he can choose to leave everything as it is. And this is worth accepting. The second is obsession. Please remember the intrusive salespeople in stores. Surely you have encountered them. Has it ever happened that in a store you doubted whether to take it or not, and the seller imposed some kind of decision on you? What did you want to do at this moment? Leave without buying anything. Will you come to this store again?Hardly. The more something is imposed on us, the more rejection we experience. The next time you want to persistently offer something or insist on something in communication with a man, please remember the intrusive salespeople in stores and your emotions in communicating with them. For men, the situation is more complicated than for us sellers. They have nowhere to run. Maybe you shouldn’t “torture” them like that? Third, it’s to make a man feel helpless. It’s clear that none of us sets such a goal. We all want to help our men develop, we want positive changes. However, we often act too directly and “clumsily”. This has the opposite effect. Often, without knowing it, we set double traps. An example of such a trap is the question: “Have you already stopped drinking cognac in the morning?” No matter what a person answers, he appears to us in an unfavorable light. The most striking example of double traps in relationships with men is the call: “Be more proactive! Take the initiative!". What happens in this case? If a man listens and begins to do something, then he feels lacking initiative, since he submits to your initiative. If he doesn't change anything, then he remains uninitiated. In any case, he has a feeling of helplessness, since it is not clear what to do, what to become good in his own and in your eyes. Fourth, cause a man to feel inferiority and shame. One way to do this is to compare a man with others (husbands of girlfriends, exes, brothers, fathers and grandfathers). The habit of comparison is in our blood, it is embedded in our culture. Remember the mothers who constantly discuss whose baby is already crawling and whose baby is still sitting. Girls who show off their new outfits to each other. Men who compete in salary and position. When we compare, it is as if we are telling a man that he must have certain characteristics in order to be worthy of our respect and love. How great it is to feel that you are respected and appreciated, but not because you are better than someone, but because you are who you are. For men, this is no less important than for women. Fifth, devalue a man’s contributions. It happens that there is one thing that doesn’t suit us: scattered socks, a small salary, etc., although, in general, we are quite happy with the relationship . We start to get angry and wound up about it. There is a strong desire to say: “You don’t care about me at all! What kind of man are you!?” With this we cancel out all the other contributions of the man. If they brought us a mammoth, and we eat it, but at the same time we say that the mammoth is not very good, then next time there may not be a mammoth. If we often devalue what a man does, then the likelihood that he will do more and generally continue to do something for us tends to zero. There is another point that can affect a man’s motivation and the climate in the relationship. This is a discussion of your man’s shortcomings with friends and relatives. For example, many people think that swimming in the sea in cloudy weather cannot get burned, since the warmth of the rays is not felt on the skin. But most people are convinced of the opposite the hard way, in the literal sense of the word. The same goes for discussing your man with others. This does not affect the man directly, but it can greatly affect him and your relationship. This affects the attitude of your friends and relatives towards your man. One wise mother told her daughter when she got married: “Tell me only good things about your husband. You will make peace later, and you will forget everything, but I will remember.” I agree with this recommendation regarding not only my mother, but also other people. Also, discussing the negative aspects of your partner fuels your internal dissatisfaction. There is a good parable about this, which a sage once told to his student. The parable said that in every person there live white and black wolves, good and evil. Every woman has two parts: calm, satisfied and eternally dissatisfied. These parts fight endlessly.