When the swing of self-esteem swings between two extremes - I am a complete nonentity, there is no one more beautiful in the world than me, it is very difficult to get to that point in yourself where there is peace and self-satisfaction. To the point where this swing begins. In my professional opinion, this is one of the most difficult conditions that a psychologist can encounter in his work. It would seem difficult?! Support a person in moments of self-flagellation and self-recrimination. A little frustrating in moments of boundless self-confidence and narcissism. But the next meeting comes, and again a person sits in front of you, filled with fear of mistakes, fear of starting something new, painful avoidance of any assessment from other people. And again this swing - I can’t start something new because someone like me won’t succeed. All his steps to transform his life are more like the gait of a cancer backing away - I can’t, I don’t have the right to make a mistake or miss, I won’t succeed, I can’t do something a little worse, it’s better to die from overexertion. Reading a lot various texts on the topic of narcissistic neuroses, disorders, defenses, I realized that the starting point of this conflict is sometimes a thing that is not at all obvious to a person. A deep, deeply hidden feeling from consciousness - no one needs me. And there is not a single person in the world who could help me feel something other than this - no one needs me. This is not a thought, not a feeling. And an experience deeply embedded in the psyche, a deep feeling of one’s uselessness. Not amenable to any logical arguments, never appearing on the surface of consciousness in the form of self-understanding. From this feeling, a person strives to do everything 120%, so that no one can blame him even for the little things. From this feeling, he experiences rejection or even a hint of rejection from others as a complete fiasco in life, as an abyss from which there is no way for people like him to reach other people - skilled and successful. He can only endure and painfully endure within himself this experience of his incompetence, failure, uselessness, insignificance. And these are very painful experiences that turn into the pangs of eternal dissatisfaction with oneself, life, one’s profession, family, etc. The desert of loneliness, endless and rocky for the soul of a person who experiences in its depths that no one needs it. For me this is the mystery of narcissistic states. A hidden treasure with a magical key to the door that leads to other people and yourself. The ability to discover this experience in the depths - no one really needs me.