As I wrote in a previous article, a wall of misunderstanding grows between spouses year after year. But just as it was erected stone by stone, it can be dismantled. Removing a stone means forgiving a loved one for what he once did or did not do: forgot about your birthday, did not listen to you when you needed it . You can also help your spouse tear down his wall by apologizing for past mistakes. A confidential conversation about grievances caused by past events can be the beginning of a revival of intimacy. Once you decide to start over, you can apply the following practical recommendations: 1) Every evening, for example at dinner, discuss the 2-3 most significant events that happened to you that day. This way you can share a part of your life with your spouse and find out what is going on with him. 2) Share every day the feelings you had. For example, something scared you. Or you were disappointed with your boss's reaction to the current situation. Or they rejoiced at their daughter’s success. This way you can find out what concerns you both. If you have a hard time naming feelings, you can make a list with your spouse or look up feelings names online. I've seen some pretty impressive lists of feelings. 3) Share your thoughts about those things, people, situations that surround you. By telling your spouse your feelings, thoughts and what is happening to you every day, you will gradually begin to become closer. This may be difficult at first, especially if your family has a history of saying these things to each other. In many families, they discuss the events of the past day, but do not share their feelings, and this is an important component of confidential communication. But if you start, then in a week or two you will get used to it and will enjoy such conversations. In order for these conversations to make you closer and not become a reason for quarrels, you must follow some rules, namely: 1) Do not criticize your partner’s words. Try to listen to him without prejudice. And if you really want to give advice in the situation described, then ask your spouse if he needs it. Or he just wants to be listened to and supported. 2) Don’t be distracted by extraneous matters. If your spouse is sharing his experiences, it would be inappropriate to call someone or bury his nose in the newspaper. 3) Be attentive to your partner. You should not laugh at your spouse’s words or show disrespect. I wish you love and joy. Psychologist Ekaterina Bogoroditskayawww.on-the-way.ru