We are all known to engage in relationships all the time as it is part of our social interactions. We have relationships with our family, relationships with friends, relationships when we come into contact with other people, no matter where, even in transport or in a store (yes, yes, these are also micro-relationships), at work with colleagues we are in working relationships , in therapy we have a client-therapeutic relationship, and of course, with a partner. And if we have so many relationships, what is a dependent relationship? A dependent relationship is a special mental state when the emotions of one person are so strongly connected with the behavior of another, that he can no longer control himself, his feelings and behavior. Absolutely everything: dreams, desires, goals, the meaning of life, are connected only with the object of “unhealthy love”. The object of love often acts as a manipulator and, either consciously or subconsciously, develops the partner's dependence on himself. Typically, dependent relationships are very evident when you want to end the relationship, but you can’t. This is an emotional drug. By the way, working in therapy with clients with emotional dependence is no different from working with clients with chemical or alcohol dependence. The mechanism of formation and course of addiction is the same, the damage to the psyche is exactly the same. How to figure out if you are emotionally dependent? In a healthy relationship: Each partner has the right to be different and has something in common that unites them. There is respect for the otherness of the partner. In a relationship, they ask for what they can get. They do something without harming themselves. They do not ask to give more than the other has. They refuse and accept refusal without feeling guilty. They do not ask for proof of love. Actions and decisions do not depend on approval or disapproval. They can freely express emotions without fear of offending or losing another. They build partnerships, in in whom crises are a normal stage of development and are perceived calmly. They do not expect their partner to fill them. It can be interesting with him. But not necessarily always. They don’t “shoot to kill” in case of quarrels and insults. They know how to be together and withstand each other’s different states (silence, boredom, common affairs) or they learn this. At the same time there is “we”, “our”, “mine” ““yours”. You can welcome development in another (or at least not interfere). The choice of a partner is your own decision, and not because “without him/her I will be lost.” A person can make independent decisions and make commitments, for example, to get married/ get married. There is none of this in dependent relationships. If you find yourself in a cycle of addiction, step number 0 is to analyze how you got into it. For example: you clearly decided to end the relationship, you are not satisfied with many things, you are confident in your decision, but as soon as you took a step towards ending, all so decisive and confident, you have a feeling of sadness and longing, and this feeling provokes a desire to reach out to you again. your ended relationship in an attempt to bring back the past. Before you take this action, be alone with this feeling, observe what happens to it. It's normal to look back on fond memories and feel sad about your partner's departure; it's part of the separation process. Find a way to comfort yourself and take care of yourself. Analyze, do you feel guilty about the breakup? Do you have devaluation (he/she always only caused me pain), are you angry with the person? Anger usually hides sadness. Is it true that you are to blame for what happened? If, on the contrary, you devalue the time spent together, think that maybe it was still important and you got something from it. Something that was needed there and then. Even if now, having come out of them, you do not understand “that you,” this does not cancel the experience gained. This is what allowed you to close some kind of deficit, what allowed you to understand yourself more in relationships and build new ones based on this. If it is not possible⬇