There is a certain category of women whom I affectionately and lovingly call “Controllers.” “Controllers” take as much power into their hands as possible and strive to manage everything they can get their hands on, which , as a rule, leads to very unfavorable consequences. Let's look at one of the typical stories in which this very control is involved: “Suddenly I realized that I have big problems with control. And not in the sense that I cannot control the situation , but that I like to keep things under control too much. And when something gets out of my control, it plunges me into complete shock and almost depression. And this has a repulsive effect on the men with whom I communicate, because I put pressure on them, without knowing it, I become the dominant one, I become the initiator of meetings, I literally demand from the person the correct reactions from my point of view, I pull them along in their career, etc. Because of this, I haven’t had long-term relationships for a long time. full-fledged relationships. It didn’t catch my eye until I heard the words “You cut me without a knife and suppress me” from a person dear to me. I was thrown into the cold, and I didn’t know what to say to this. Sometimes it even seems that this constant desire for control is intensified by the fact that in school and work I have to compete a lot with others and take a lot on myself. I often become the leader of projects, I am entrusted with great responsibility and sometimes it seems to me that my next relationship is the same project. Plus, my harshness and often rudeness greatly hurt people close to me. And this makes it even more painful. I don’t know how to force myself to be softer and more feminine, how to let my partner control me, because even my friends began to be afraid of me, and I’m losing dear people..." Unfortunately, the price of this addiction for many will be too expensive: - reluctance of other people to communicate with you; - loss of friends; - conflicts with loved ones; - destruction of relationships with a man, etc. Where does this insidious enemy come from, which literally torments your life, not allowing you to live it; the way you would like? Where does such a typical question arise: “Who, if not me?” As a rule, the reason for this lies in the fact that in childhood a person unsuccessfully passed a certain stage of development - the stage when the foundation of a normal sense of responsibility is laid. desire to influence the situation. If a child witnesses that his parents cannot exert the proper influence on the world around him, he is overcome by a feeling of helplessness and even rage, from which he will subsequently strive to get rid. And this deliverance occurs in exactly this way - through an attempt to influence the world is increasingly influenced in order to free itself from fear, anxiety and the oppressive feeling of helplessness. Attempts to gain additional control instill additional confidence and are the “green light” that allows you to muffle unpleasant negative feelings (at least temporarily). There are different forms of control - from aggressive - directive to relatively soft (for example, through resentment and emotional manipulation of other people). And, alas, many people are not fully aware that such a state is abnormal. Yes, you are not to blame for it, but it is not normal. Pronounced hyper-responsibility and the desire to manage events and people are not a sign that you “It’s not all the same” is just a signal that at a certain stage of development a “distortion” occurred. All this led to a problem when you are convinced: “Without me the world will collapse” or “What would they all do without me!” But you must remember that all this can be corrected and the negative impact of the past on your life can be reduced - you just need to approach this issue correctly. And the first thing that is very important to understand is that the anxiety underlying this problem can be reduced, which means that the unwanted behavior will gradually go away. The next step is a deliberate renunciation of your usual behavior. You need to start with the most