From the author: The article will discuss cases of so-called “self-harmful” behavior in adolescents. When parents unexpectedly notice that a teenager is deliberately cutting himself on his thighs or forearms, or deliberately causing himself burns with a cigarette and lighter, then they are overcome with confusion and horror, and two questions begin to sound clearly inside: “What is happening?” and “How to stop this?” The article answers them. “My daughter is 12 years old. She is an ordinary girl, studying in the 6th grade of a gymnasium, getting good grades. And yesterday before going to bed she takes off her pants, and I notice that she has cuts all over her thighs! Real deep cuts that draw blood! I scream in horror: “What do you have?”, and she walks away from the conversation, snorting in response that “everything is fine.” So I went to bed. But I didn’t go to bed, I thought all night: “What’s going on? why is she doing this? how to stop this? - with these words from my mother, our psychological consultation began. Appeals from parents related to the fact that their son or daughter deliberately causes themselves pain are quite common in practice. According to competent modern research, 35 - 40% of adolescents at least once inflict tangible, but not life-threatening, damage to themselves. Most often these are cuts to the thighs and forearms - those parts of the body that, as a rule, are covered with clothing and are not visible to others. Less commonly, burns intentionally inflicted with a lighter, candle or cigarette on the thighs, forearms or stomach, so as not to attract unnecessary attention. It happens that the backs of the palms and fingertips are scratched with nails until they bleed... All this shocks parents and makes them want to save their child from pain and protect them. And to do this, it is important for the parent to understand what is happening and why did he do this? The desire to hurt oneself can arise in a teenager for various reasons. The most common of them is the need to relieve mental and internal pain with physical pain. Just as we bite our lips in frustration, a teenager, feeling desperate or confused inside, may cut himself with a pen or a dull knife. Pain and abrasions allow you to switch, to divert attention from unpleasant thoughts and depressing feelings to parts of the body that ache from cuts. This reduces emotional stress and preoccupation with negative experiences, which teenagers have many reasons to experience - conflictual relationships at school, unrequited love, quarrels with parents, lack of friends. “After I cut myself, it became so easy, it let go,” said Nastya, the daughter of the mother we talked about at the beginning. Also, a teenager becomes willing to harm himself due to non-acceptance of his appearance, dissatisfaction with his own “fat thighs”, “crooked arms”, “ugly body”. “Here you go!” the teenager berates himself, “fat ugly thing, I hate myself, I hate it!” - sounds in the head of a teenager who acutely lacks self-confidence, recognition of his own uniqueness and value, the right to be as he is. Self-harmful behavior also has another source - the teenager’s unconscious desire to inform others about his internal troubles, to call for help, enlist support in resolving painful internal issues. By cutting himself and, as if by accident, allowing his parents or close adults to see them, the teenager shows that he really feels bad and it is important for those around him to intervene and help him. Thus, deliberately causing pain to oneself is a signal that the teenager is suffering and is looking for help. It is often difficult for a parent to help a child on their own. Fear of losing him, deep worries about his son or daughter, prevent the parent from choosing the right words and understanding why the teenager does this, do not allow him to convince him that love will still be found, true friends will be found and everything is in order with his appearance. It is good that a parent has the opportunity to cope with such a difficult situation not alone, but in collaboration with a professional psychologist. The specialist can"