From the author: The client’s story in the article is described with his consent. From a conversation with the client: “My father beat my mother, it was painful and scary. He was beaten both sober and drunk. He was drinking. They forgot about me. They often broke dishes and had conflicts. In the third grade, I fell in love with a classmate and in my fantasies I pictured how he was naked, tied to a pole and whipped with a whip... I thought that this was right, this is the kind of love when you are defenseless, and they beat you.....” In Rus' we still have a strong belief today: “He hits, it means he loves.” It is sad. In family relationships, the victims of abusers are often women and children. Women are afraid to leave their husbands and boyfriends; they are intimidated and convinced that the abuser will find them and the reprisal will be cruel. Often abusers convince their victims that they cannot survive without them, that they will definitely die in poverty and hunger under the fence, or even be killed by someone. Thus, the abuser convinces his victim that she has a good life with him (the abuser) and that, whatever one may say, she is under his protection from the “terrible and cruel world”, and that he systematically beats her or morally humiliates her, terrorizing and applying any pressure is normal. Like, everyone lives like this. So, living in this fear and untruth, terrible relationships continue, which sometimes end, by the way, in death for the victim of abuse. Psychological traits characteristic of an abuser: -cruelty and aggression, it can be expressed both in relation to one person and to others , generally. Cruelty to children and animals. In a conversation, the abuser treats people with disdain, often without mentioning the victim by name, uses offensive obscene words that denote a humiliating attitude and belittles the status of a person in his eyes; - hot temper, abuser, often experiences anger for minor reasons, may behave inappropriately driving, in the workplace, he may have signs of psychopathy; - thirst for power, the abuser tries to absorb the space of people surrounding him with his personality. In the family, he often gives his wife and children “valuable instructions” so that they do not have the opportunity to “sit idle.” Failure to comply with the requirements and rules established by him leads to conflict situations and reproaches on his part. The victim is presented by the abuser as a spineless, stupid or lazy creature who does not want to work. Often, an attempt to establish contact between the victim and the abuser is stopped by “poking” in a conversational form at unfulfilled tasks and instructions. The abuser may not accept the social norms of society, demonstrating his maladaptive behavior. In society, the abuser presents himself as a caring, loving person who gives everything the best for the family. Often, the abuser resorts to gaslighting in order to establish himself in totalitarianism regarding the victim. Gaslighting is psychological violence, manipulation, when the victim is convinced of her guilt and that she (the victim) is crazy, while the people around her (and the abuser himself) are completely adequate individuals. There is a film called "Gaslight", based on the play of the same name in 1944. The plot is as follows: a husband convinces his wife of madness, in an attempt to hide her own criminal actions. He convinces her that she committed crimes about which she has absolutely no memory, doing his best to isolate his wife from people. Subsequently, the wife comes to the conclusion that she is really losing her mind. So, gaslighting is used by the abuser precisely to make the victim doubt his own adequacy. Psychoanalyst R. Stern describes several stages of gaslighting: The victim observes some changes in the abuser’s behavior, but tries to ignore what is happening, convincing himself that it is just a one-time small incident. The victim has doubts that he is reacting adequately to current situations. She tries to justify the actions of the abuser, while she herself.