From the author: The article is the intellectual property of the author. Copying is possible only using an active link to the source and indicating the author's full name. Labyrinths of education: comparison. The day turned out to be warm and fresh, the middle of summer. On the playground for children, as usual at this time, there is a lot of fun and joyful laughter. I slow down a little, smiling at the carefree atmosphere. I inhale the serenity, sincerity and some special comfort of this place, I relax internally, and watch the team play of the neighbor kids. And then the sharp voice of one of the mothers intrudes into the childish hubbub: “Vanya, look, your friend Kirill has already earned five points, and you haven’t earned any. Son, we have to try!” Mom is clearly tense and frustrated. Her son, a boy of about five, somehow immediately wilted, losing his liveliness and enthusiasm, and looked sadly at his mother... Continuing on my way, I thought about how much comparison surrounds our children. In schools and sports clubs, on playgrounds and city streets, at competitions and exhibitions, coaches and teachers, parents and grandmothers compare their students, consistently driving children into an inferiority complex. Comparison can concern absolutely any area of ​​a child’s life: speech, school grades, cleanliness, various skills and abilities. Even appearance! Children are compared to their siblings, classmates and friends, and to themselves at their age – ultimately. Some parents watch the successes of other people's children so closely that they do not have time to take care of their own. Almost every schoolchild hears something like: “All the children wrote a dictation, you’re the only one who fails!” How do you think your son or daughter feels when they hear something like that from their parents? I think that this child feels the pain of loneliness, rejection, inadequacy. The same pattern of relationships with children can be built in the preschool period. “Look, Yegor is so strong and dexterous, and you...” – his father admonishes the unlucky athlete. The child is still small, but his internal compass is confused, he has already learned that he needs to focus on Yegor, and not on himself. This child feels that he himself is not good enough. After all, if your closest and dearest do not accept you, then self-acceptance, alas, is impossible. When comparing a child, we include him in the evaluation system of good-bad, better-worse, right-wrong, completely excluding from the coordinate system both the individuality of the child himself and the variety of life phenomena that go far beyond the good-bad plane. The behavior of a child living in a rating system ceases to be natural, lively and active. Instead, it becomes reactive - that is, a reaction to the environment in an effort to avoid negative evaluation. “Look how slender the girl is, how beautifully she dances,” says Yulia’s mother, looking with pity at her slightly plump daughter. Yulia is already a teenager and she is very familiar with this feeling of humiliation and worthlessness, as well as envy and anger towards that unfamiliar girl who dances so beautifully. At school and among friends, Yulia is withdrawn and sees the prospect of failure in any of her endeavors. Perhaps the intentions of parents who use comparison as motivation for their children's achievements and successes were good. Perhaps this is how mom and dad want to show their son or daughter what they want them to be. But the result is the opposite. With enough repetition, the child learns to criticize, compare and devalue himself. After all, once, in childhood, he learned that he was not able to meet his parents’ requirements. Deep down, he is sure that he deserves only contempt. Tormented by the fear of failure, the comparison child decides that lack of initiative is the safest option for him. He chooses “not to come out”, “not to stand out”, not to attract attention by any means. These are precisely the children who, knowing the correct answer to the teacher’s question, will never raise their hand. Why take risks? Taking risks in their experience is punishable. The situation gets worse when, if successful!