After the consultations for a week, I am writing a review post about the most frequently asked questions. The current question, mainly from women, was “how to not be disappointed in a long-term relationship in a couple and live happily “I’ll try to briefly formulate the main trends in understanding this issue. Its depth depends on each specific situation. A family is an integral, unified mechanism and everyone plays their role in it. At different stages of life, a family has different tasks and values. The “family” status has its own tasks and values, the meaning of being together with this particular person. At the initial stage of a married relationship, there are many tasks, mostly material and ambitious, such as making money housing, having children, fulfillment in work, common interests, and the couple is also united by responsibilities, for example, a common budget, a loan. When children grow up, values ​​change and ambitions change direction. But we forget something. The fact that our spouse reached out to us to carry out primary tasks (each has their own). He completed the main task, which means he was satisfied with his character traits. For example, the husband did not need attention 24/7, and that means there was enough freedom in the relationship, which the wife uses for her own realization, in turn, it is important for the wife to realize herself, and with her husband who would interfere in this matter, they would not have found a consensus. Just as a masochist will find a sadist who knows how to earn money - a person who knows how to accept and love money, and the side effects of this money, a person with fears will find someone who knows how to take care of safety, a loving person will find his nymphomaniac... There are also criteria for agreement on values ​​(there are only one or two main ones, the rest are “wants”, because one person rarely fully combines the ideal at the request of another) such as power, peace/tranquility, security, money, love/passion. After the birth of children (as a rule, the main program), spouses begin to be puzzled in the area of ​​other desires. For example, career and money. There is not only a re-evaluation, but also an assessment of one’s position: where are points A and where to go to this issue to point B. Who does he/she live with now and who is an ally in this issue and who is in the way. That’s when competition and quarrels begin, priorities are strictly lined up. It depends on temperament and character how far they will go in the tug-of-war and who will win or surrender the war. And the strength of a woman is in her WEAKNESS, sexuality, lightness, cunning. And if she wants to win the war in aggression and quarrels, in the manipulation of sex, then she thinks only about herself, and not about the children, their upbringing and preserving the family in general, forgetting her first task for this relationship: “a happy, healthy family,” and guided by a new goal for financial well-being. Use tools on gender identity and an easier path. Do not resort to the “heavy artillery” of scandals, intrigues, investigations, because it leads to a breakdown in relationships. Having achieved justice, it is not a fact that they have won. If you are a Woman and you have defeated your man, then it is a fiasco. So take your time with tactics when changing values ​​and setting new ambitions. The strategy must be smart. And such female internal attitudes and beliefs as: “I myself”, “I’ll get by”, “I won’t ask” - this is pride, narcissism, activating resentment and the desire for justice and freedom, giving rise to doubts and the idea of ​​​​bringing the marriage to divorce and thus punishing husband. Everyone has their own happiness. Therefore, the ways to achieve it are different. Be necessary, live in the future, appreciate the present, don’t doubt your choice of a spouse, take into account each other’s needs, and think about your children, not only about yourself, but also don’t be a pushover! I all have opinions on this question? Link to my telegram channel https://t.me/elena_fileva72