From the author: the article was published on a website for mothers. Useful tips, competitions, communication and much more! The usual story: a confused, perplexed mother: “Roma doesn’t want to study. And lately he hasn’t been doing anything at home, he’s become rude.” A beautiful boy with mischievous eyes, but he’s always trying to slide into a horizontal position on the sofa, as if an amoeba without a spine. Well, let’s figure it out... The premise of the story is ordinary, but the reasons for children’s laziness in each family are different, which means There are no ready-made recipes. On the surface of the story it turned out that a seven-year-old child is not accustomed to boundaries or norms. The only way to influence him is bribery. Fortunately, there is such an opportunity. Mom herself understands that this is a dead end. Now a toy, and then what? The moon from the sky? But the boy is not devoid of an understanding of responsibility and a sense of duty. Somehow, I forgot to do my homework on time, so I did it late in the evening. So we see that there is an alternative motivation to bribery. Therefore, the first thing we agreed on was: “If you don’t do what you’re supposed to do around the house or don’t take care of yourself, you’ll lose your TV (computer, games with mom, etc.).” And the mother tries to be consistent in her demands to comply with family rules and not cancel the decisions made. Secondly, give Romka time to grumble if he doesn’t feel like doing something. It is important for him to save face - “I did it because I wanted to.” Thirdly, Roma got a little sister a year ago, and the amount of attention he received has sharply decreased. Therefore, a prescription for “immersion in childhood” was prescribed for a week. Spoon feeding Romka, swaddling, bedtime story. However, Roman refused this offer with a laugh. And he agreed to an attribute of growing up - weekly pocket money. (At the same time, regular family responsibilities are introduced). Well, since he wants to grow up, we’ll support him. After the first meeting, the situation in the family improved noticeably. Mom found an approach to her son, they learned to agree on many issues. But not in studies... What was going on here became clearer when dad came to the next meeting. Dad’s wishes are a specific and strict order: “I want him to be the best in both studies and sports.” It’s just this way and no other way. It's hard for the boy. Well, he cannot compete with his father (he really was the best in the class, and even now he is the leader). All boys love to play football and basketball with their fathers, but not Roma. Dad is the best in everything, and don’t strive to give his son space to develop. It’s unlikely that anyone will be inspired by the call: “Come on, why are you so awkward, watch and learn.” The father, unwillingly, competes with his son. Of course, you can't keep up with him. Can't beat it in comparison. The boy seems to be protecting his self, his self-esteem. “I don’t do it because I don’t want to!” - in this case, comparison is impossible. Romka would get better than a belt for disobedience, but he is a person. Stubbornness is the other side of willpower. In this case, “laziness” - the boy’s refusal to read and learn the multiplication tables - is a protest against his father’s excessive demands. And the only way out is to stop this rivalry. The father must step back and show respect for the child's personality. Let the son become not what the parent wants, but become himself. Accept. I am sure that if you give Roman this main freedom, then his petty fight with his parents over trifles will disappear. Recommendations for parents who do not want lazy children. Do not compete with the child (“Here I am at your age...”) Do not try to bribe for what you have to do do according to duty and according to the rules of the family. Be consistent: do not cancel your decisions. Agree in the family on a unified upbringing strategy. Any, even not very successful, rule is better than many contradictory ones (that is, not allowing what another has prohibited). Give feasible instructions as soon as he asks to help you (usually at 3-4 years old children are interested in helping, if you don’t support , then - don’t wait for the desire to be resurrected). Thank you for what you have done