FORMULATING A REQUEST: HOW TO START MANIFESTING (Article for the course on requests and contracts) Many people want to “not be afraid” to manifest themselves. On social networks, for example, either write a blog, or simply be more relaxed in the company of friends or colleagues. From the point of view of a psychologist, such goal setting... is futile. You probably thought that the problem is in the particle “not”, like the subconscious does not perceive it. There is such an opinion (it is quite controversial; not all psychologists believe in it). But more on that another time. The fact is that the very task of “not being afraid” is impossible, because there is no psyche that is not afraid. Attempts to turn off fear only strengthen it. Let's formulate the task so that it is feasible and it is clear what specific action to take. So that you can write instructions like “do it once, do twice”, how much to weigh in grams, what exactly to do. When formulating “not to be afraid,” it becomes unclear what action we need to take. It turns out like in a joke: - Mice, become hedgehogs, then the animals in the forest will not eat you. That is, the instructions are impossible to follow. No matter how much you tell yourself “don’t be afraid,” you can’t do it. Sometimes they put it this way: “be afraid and do it.” This is already doable, but difficult. This is the path for Heroes, for those who love to overcome. Imagine a person who solves problems in this way, goes through fear, through I can’t. Let's find ourselves in another joke: - I am a strong and proud bird, but what a fool I am to come here with you. Now try to also contract a client for such work! I propose to formulate it this way: “Learn to appreciate your manifestation, look at your manifestation kindly ". Here it is clear what exactly to do: every time you show yourself, show kindness to yourself. For example: - value your manifestation, agree that this is an important part of life, - value yourself, treat yourself as a loved one regardless of the results achieved, - praise yourself even for small results, - pay ten times more attention to what what works out, not what doesn’t work out, - compare yourself with yourself yesterday, and not with the ideal, - look at yourself from the outside with a smile. Clear skills. It is clear what exactly to do. It’s clear exactly how. It’s clear how to learn this, how to improve the skill. In addition, in this case we do not suppress our feelings and at the same time minimize the internal struggle. Accordingly, psychotherapy becomes a pleasant walk, and not a path of suffering. Of course, this is not the only working way and you can come up with several more. For example: - Let me teach you how to defend yourself and respond to the Inner Critic to his criticism. (I will teach you how to defend yourself when someone criticizes you). With such protection, you will be much less afraid. - Let me teach you how to be bolder. - Let me teach you to distinguish real fears from irrational ones. You can go the psychoanalytic path(s), for example: - Let's understand the reason why you regularly intimidate yourself, and the mechanism of how you do it, let's relate it to your childhood. And in the end, let's leave these fears (transfers) in childhood. You will understand that you are not afraid of what is happening in the present, but of what happened in the past. But these fears have nothing to do with the present. And then in the present you will be much less afraid. In general, this is what it’s all about. The wording of the request is everything to us. As we formulate it, we will work. It’s worth spending some time on this, because then we have to complete this task. If we set the task unrealistically, we won’t complete it and we’ll fall into helplessness. (I have another article about this, “Why is helplessness necessary?”) It’s easier to immediately pay attention to setting a goal. ------------------- If you want to learn how to formulate requests coolly, come for the course: https://mpl12.ru/portfolio-item/struktura-sessii-zapros-i-kontrakt-onlajn-kurs-dlja-psihologov )