Continuing the topic of finding resources to achieve everything you want in life, I’ll talk about the impact of divorces and separations on our resources. Prolonged grief takes a lot of strength, and sometimes even life. After all, they say: “He died of melancholy.” Has someone left you? Have you broken up? You have to accept this and go through the most difficult period necessary for living and transition. Why is separation always accompanied by a breakdown? Because the psyche needs time to get used to: this person will no longer be around. The process has its periods: - shock, we cannot believe what happened; - anger, anger at ourselves and others, pain from what happened; - acceptance of the situation and gratitude. “Everything is for the better.” Loss of strength occurs when a person has not lived through one of the periods, the first or the second. There is a kind of suppression of those feelings that need to be brought to the surface. Hidden anger or resentment (no matter at yourself or at a partner), disappointed expectations, suppressed emotions steal our strength. In extreme cases, this condition can lead to depression, which is precisely characterized by loss of strength and vitality. Conceal anger or pretending that nothing special happened is very dangerous during a breakup! To survive a breakup correctly, environmentally, and effectively, there is an excellent technique called “4 questions.” It helps you survive an emotional outburst and let go of anger, resentment, and longing for someone who is no longer around. So, we ask ourselves 4 questions: What did I expect from the relationship and didn’t receive? What did I expect and received? What did I not expect, but received? What did I not expect and did not receive? And we write honest answers to each question. For example, I expected, but did not get the opportunity to make mutual friends, communicate, organize together games, trips, travel, entertainment. I expected an easy-going person as a partner. Open, capable of dialogue, able to ask, thank and negotiate. Able to forgive and let go of grievances. The answer to this question helps to admit that the relationship was not as ideal as I would like. Get angry at something you didn't really get! Yes, breaking up is painful and offensive, but what’s even more offensive is what you didn’t get while being together. The more answers you find, the better you can work through your anger and release negative emotions. I expected and received in a relationship: good sex, support in creativity, leisure time with my family. I had a companion who knew how to listen, had a sense of humor, and regularly shopped for groceries. I felt loved and loved. Answers to question number 2 are a way to awaken gratitude in us for everything that happened. Say emotional thanks to your ex for everything he was able to give. I didn’t expect it, but I received vibrant sex and openness to experiments in bed, help with housework, with equipment, technology, and setting up the Internet. Quite unexpectedly, I received the rule to divide expenses for holidays in half, as well as reproaches for inattention, threats of betrayal and separation. Formulate in your answers all past experiences, both positive and negative. This question is a resource both for showing gratitude and for living through accumulated grievances and dissatisfaction. And one more plus: now you know exactly what you don’t want in a relationship, and next time you will be able to more consciously build boundaries and negotiate with your partner. I don’t I expected it and didn’t receive it - the most interesting of all questions. By answering it, you can better understand and adjust your expectations. Now you know what you would like from a future relationship. For example, to be with a person with an active life position, ease in everyday life, lack of shame, freedom from pressure and manipulation. The opportunity to be yourself with your partner, without pretending. Adult relationships on equal terms. Gratitude and joy for the days and time spent together. The answers to the last question give an understanding of what we are like. What is important and paramount for us, what we value and want to receive from a partner. Without which.