Demon and Angel, mom and dad. Or vice versa, dad and mom. One parent is ideal, kind, understanding, and the second is a monster, evil in the flesh, ruining your whole life. This story quite often unfolds in a psychologist’s office. At the same time, the client’s psyche, as a rule, clearly values ​​such a combination, and in every possible way protects it from the intervention of the therapist. How and why, why does such splitting occur? And this is precisely splitting. As a result of successfully solving the problems of development and passing through age-related crises in the psyche, realistic representations of parental figures should, in theory, be formed. Not a good or bad mother, but my mother, just the way she is. And in this case, relationships are built realistically, without idealization or demonization of parents. If the child’s psyche encounters a traumatic influence, such splitting becomes one of the defenses. How can this happen?1. Since the father figure is presented to the child and introduced into the psyche by the mother, it happens that she imagines the father as a monster. It’s one thing to say to a baby: “My darling, we’re waiting for daddy, and whoever came there is our beloved daddy,” and another thing: “Our daddy stopped by again, didn’t bring any money, he’s such a goat.” Those. The child's basic relationship with his father depends on the mother's relationship to the child's father. Cleavage can form both in infancy and later. “Everything like my father - just as stubborn, sloppy, stupid, etc.”2. The child is drawn into the relationship of the parents. One parent shares with the child problems in the relationship with a partner, uses the child to convey messages, etc. The child’s psyche, on the one hand, is overloaded with such a burden, on the other hand, this is a huge honor for the child; he willingly joins in this game, merges with the parent’s gaze and affect, and enters into a conspiracy. He also begins to hate the second parent. Only the parents can then reconcile, but the child is perplexed and remains in this split. That is. in any case, this splitting is formed under the influence of parental or substitute figures - grandparents, school, peers, etc. can also contribute to its occurrence. What functions for the psyche can such splitting perform:.1. Of course, this is protection. From excessive emotional and mental overload. There is an ideal mom and a bad dad, you just need to merge with mom and hate dad and everything will be (relatively) fine. The psyche chooses the lesser of evils, the side of good. It is very difficult for a child to see parents quarrel, it causes horror from uncertainty, and with such a split into black and white, uncertainty disappears.2. Conscious processes of identification with parental figures become more sharpened and understandable. I will be like mom, but I won’t be like dad. Or vice versa.3. The child feels protected and powerful. He settles the relationship between the parents, or is chosen by one of them, close. Thus, this is a completely working protective strategy for the child’s psyche in the event of complications in parental relationships. The problem is that the psyche, due to rigidity, retains such splitting into adulthood. What consequences can such splitting have: 1. Unconscious identification processes become confusing and complex. The child, instead of identifying in some ways with his mother, in some ways with his father, and appropriating his activity and passivity, begins to split off “undesirable” traits, and the split in the psyche worsens. Not only the images of mom and dad are split, but also the identity of their child, who has already matured. This affects all areas of life, including the choice of a partner.2. Difficult resolution of the Oedipal conflict, inevitable in the case of such splitting. How to choose men who look like dad, if the image of the father is a monster? Or how can you be like your mother if your mother is a Demon? 3. Difficulties with identity in general. Since the most important processes of representing parental figures and self-identification with them are greatly distorted, the psyche builds a partial, diffuse identity. What can she do? 2023.