With our love we make our partner either healthier or sicker. “She’s hysterical, that’s why I left” “He’s a tyrant, that’s why I left” Today I was thinking about whether another partner influences a hysterical woman and a tyrant nearby? And I came to the conclusion that it has a very strong influence. Before you say that someone next to you was not entirely sane, you need to first think about how you formed this. Was my man satisfied enough? Was he comfortable with me? Was I stable enough to balance or comfort him? Did he believe in his strength next to me? Did I believe in him? Did I have the strength and courage to solve our problems together, without involving people who were strangers to us? Were there enough boundaries with which I shaped his behavior and attitude towards me? Did I honestly say that I was hurt or uncomfortable with his behavior? Did I take his characteristics into account when we spent time together? Did I respect these characteristics? And what did I do to ensure that all this happened? Was my woman satisfied? Did she feel safe around me? Did she have enough love and affection? Was I sufficiently restrained in my emotional outbursts during the conflict? Did I try to fix things when I saw her panicking? Was my love enough for her in principle? Did she feel heard? Did she perceive me as a stable person with whom it was not scary to plan something? Did I take her personality into account when we spent time together? Did I respect these characteristics? And what did I do to make all this happen? Each person will have their own list of questions, but some of these are basic. This is not a hint that you and only you are responsible for your partner. This is impossible, it will never happen. But there is some share of responsibility for how a person felt about the network next to you. By saying that our ex did something wrong, we sometimes abdicate responsibility for how we shaped his or her behavior. What have you done to make your loved one flourish, recover and be happy next to you? This is the first thing to ask yourself.