Usually, parents, turning to a psychologist for advice, express similar complaints: the child has become disobedient, does not listen to me, does everything out of spite. All this disobedience, of course, causes a lot of inconvenience to the parent himself, as well as to educators and teachers. So what is disobedience, what is hidden behind it and how to deal with it, let’s try to figure it out. I propose to turn to the etiology of this word “obedience” - listen, listen, hear. This means that the child must listen to the parent, his words, requests and comments. Listen and hear the parent’s demands, but there doesn’t seem to be any talk of fulfillment here, is there? Based on the etiology of the word. Then it turns out that the parent does not require obedience, but rather submission from the child, so that he carries out all his instructions unquestioningly and immediately, because then he becomes comfortable, does not require unnecessary attention and hassle, isn’t this what every parent strives for? Then the question arises - where is the child himself? Where is his attitude towards the orders of his parents? Where are his wishes? Where is the personality? Behind the authority of the parent, the child’s personality is absent; he, like a robot, carries out instructions, but he is there! And the child has desires and needs, because he is also a person, but then they are somewhere deep inside, and they will definitely break out and bloom wildly somewhere in adolescence. Parents usually say about such children: “He was a normal child, there were no problems with him at all, where did all this come from?” and blame the “bad” influence of friends. Then what is obedience? Where are the boundaries of obedience and what should parents do with disobedient children? Remember yourself as a child. When you wanted something very badly, but your mother told you not to do it. What feelings accompanied you? Annoyance, perhaps resentment, anger. And why? Because you had a desire (to eat candy, for example), it didn’t bother anyone, and then again, mom said that you can have sweets only after eating. Everything burst, everything was lost, it was postponed for an indefinite time. How to be? And this is where it manifests itself - our unique individuality: someone quickly fulfills mother’s conditions and achieves the desired candy, someone cheats and still eats this candy before lunch, someone convinces mom. We are all different and everyone has their own approach to achieving their goals and desires. It turns out that disobedience is, first of all, an expression of the child’s individuality, the protection of one’s boundaries, one’s needs and desires, perhaps one’s fears. What to do then? If you indulge all his desires and whims, then nothing good will come of it either, right? Certainly! After all, children strive to constantly expand the boundaries of what is permitted, and their desires grow and become more expensive. That's why try the following: Rules. Every home and family has certain rules, public and unspoken. When a new family is born - two formed people, brought up in completely different families, begin to live together, conflicts often arise, as a result of which the rules of this particular family are formed. And when a child appears, the rules should become clearer, more formed and understandable to the child. Very often in consultations we start from this point. Since the parents themselves know these rules, they seem to have told the child, but for him they remain vague, or it happens that mom prohibits something, but dad allows it, or grandmothers, who usually allow a lot. Therefore: The rules must be clear, formulated, understandable to your child; The rules must be followed by absolutely and without exception all family members living in the same house; The rules are observed constantly from the moment of discussion. How to make rules? Since visual-figurative thinking works most effectively in children, it is necessary one fine evening for everyone who lives in the house to get together and outline these rules in writing, point by point (can be on whatman paper or on an A3 sheet). If the child does not yet know how to read, then next to each item you need to draw.