From the author: Regular author of the magazines "Happy Parents" and "Psychology" Do I need to inform a child about the upcoming divorce? Is he too young for such information and will he be able to understand what is happening between his parents? This worries many parents who have decided to separate. How to explain to a child what changes are coming to his family, in his life, how to gently prepare him for this event? Divorce is a difficult experience for the entire family. Such a decision is not easy, and is almost always accompanied by conflicts and a loud showdown. As a rule, the child does not remain aloof from what is happening, or even finds himself in the line of fire, or serves as “cover” for one of the parents. The baby's familiar world is collapsing. The range of parental emotions generally ranges from hostility and outbursts of anger to despondency and despair, and the child may take this personally. It is difficult for him to understand that what is happening concerns only the parents. The child may feel guilty, believing that he made some mistake and... caused the divorce. The sooner you explain to him that your decision has nothing to do with him, the less reason he will have to blame himself for the fact that his parents will not live together. Let your child understand that he is not responsible for the divorce, but he also cannot influence your decision. During the period of divorce, the child’s behavior can change noticeably; he becomes whiny, stubborn, and angry. Sleep and appetite may be disturbed, and fears may arise or intensify. The appearance of certain symptoms indicates that the child’s experiences are so strong that he cannot cope with them. He needs support and help. Talk openly with your child about what changes will happen in your life, it is better that both parents participate in the conversation. Tell your child that you understand how difficult it is for him, it is very sad when mom and dad break up. Be sure to talk about your feelings and experiences, about how upset you are. Many parents try to hide their feelings, pretend that everything is fine, and then the baby feels isolated, alone with his anxiety, sadness, and fears. By showing your feelings, you thereby “legalize” the child’s feelings, making him understand that his experiences are appropriate and natural in such a situation. He doesn't need to hide them. If a child can freely express his feelings: anger at his parents, for a broken family, fear of separation, his powerlessness to change anything, anxiety, sadness, he will not need to express this with the help of symptoms. You exchange angry remarks or do not talk to each other friend, and dad “moved” to sleep on the sofa? Even if you have not yet made a final decision on divorce and have not filed documents with the court, it is still necessary to give some explanations to the child: “Now we are angry with each other and often quarrel, it is not because of you. We still love you." When talking to your child about divorce, be sure to talk about the reasons, this is important. There is no need to invent anything: “It’s more convenient for dad to live with his mom, he works a lot” or “Dad went on a business trip.” Tell your child about how you met, about the best moments you experienced together, about what you like about each other. Explain to him that love doesn't always last forever. He will understand that even if the love between his parents ended, it still existed, and that he is the fruit of that love. Be sure to tell your child that this happens in many families, it’s sad, but it happens. Don't talk about how your marriage was a mistake and that you'll all be better off apart. Even if this is true for you, for a child the integrity of the family is truly important, and this should not be questioned. Reassure the child, do not tell him: “Mom and dad don’t love each other anymore.” Better to say: “Our love as husband and wife is over, but the love of mom and dad remains.” You break up as a couple, but remain parents. For your child, in this capacity, you are still one. And he needs to maintain the same connection and relationship with.