By coincidence, just when I started writing this article, my best friend called. She has serious drama in her personal life. She cries, cannot work and study, and I listen to her, get angry at her boyfriend and persuade her to go and take the test. Tomuska doesn’t want to go to college, doesn’t want to believe that her loved one used her and is looking for some magical way to relieve her pain. I love Toma very much, it hurts me to hear how she suffers, but I know that all I can do is be with her so that she is not left alone. After all, besides her, no one will be able to feel and be in her experiences. Among other things, I feel my own powerlessness in the fact that I can do very little to make her feel good now. After all, for her I am a friend, not a psychologist. I know that later I will tell her that we grow through trials and pain. We grow up in them. And that the darkest night is before the dawn. These will be smart, or maybe even wise words. But that will happen later, when she comes to her senses a little. And now, I only feel and reflect her pain. I’m angry at her boyfriend, I admire that she can love so much - strongly and sincerely. I freeze with tenderness when she, sobbing, says: “Well, how is this possible, with a living person?” And I tell her about all this. The only thing she doesn't accept is my anger. He says he is good. And cries. And I do my best to hold back the cry that he is a scumbag, and he has no right to offend her. Instead, I agree that perhaps there are some unthinkable circumstances that will soon explain everything to us. Tomka understands everything perfectly well, but she’s in so much pain right now that it’s easier for her to deceive herself a little. Here's the story. We all have close people. And anything happens in life. And betrayal, and death, and divorce, and loss of property, and illness. Even writing this is scary. How to help a person in a critical situation? And what do we understand by such situations? Do I need to graduate from the Faculty of Psychology to do this? Are there general rules of behavior in such situations? Undoubtedly there is. What is undesirable to do and why? There is no need to get off with phrases like “Everything will be fine,” or “Don’t give a damn, let’s talk about something else, for example, about fashion.” In this case, it may seem to him that you don’t care at all, and this will only intensify the experience, and besides, it may increase the distance in your relationship. At the very beginning, at the peak of emotional experience, there is no need to rationally explain that there is no need to worry. Like, “He was immediately visible!” “He’s not your match, so you shouldn’t worry!” The injured person is in feelings, and it is important for him to live them. Until he weeps his tears, talks about his grievances and his anger. And then you can start thinking. If you want to say the phrase “I told you so, but you didn’t listen,” it’s better to cover your mouth with a band-aid. Such words will only increase a person’s feelings of guilt and worthlessness. Naturally, this won’t make him feel any better. Citing other people’s terrible stories as examples will also not be very successful. Like, listen to what Anka had from the third entrance, she’s in real grief! Even if with Anka everything is really much more tragic, this will not help in any way to live through her own experiences. You can't stop feeling. There is a myth in society about a strong personality who knows how to “control” himself. In addition, there are forbidden feelings. But no matter how much you ban them, they will still find a way out. Psychologists say that if you do not allow yourself to cry with tears, then you will cry with your internal organs, i.e. you'll get sick. Or you will carry this unlived feeling throughout life. And now about what is very desirable to do. 1. Listen. You may hear the same thing several times. Understand that by repeating and telling different people about your situation, a person is treated and smoothes out his experiences. 2. Support the person even if they express “bad feelings,” such as being angry at the person who died. Only after going through such feelings!