“If there are no conflicts in your life, check if you have a pulse” Charles LixonMost often, couples seeking psychological help want to stop arguing and learn to live without quarrels. The idea that quarrels in the family are a normal and inevitable development of events usually causes strong resistance. Let's figure out what you really want: not to quarrel at all or to quarrel correctly, to suppress any family conflicts or find ways to resolve them? Famous American a specialist in the field of conflict psychology, Kenneth Thomas, identifies 5 strategies for behavior in conflict situations, based on two criteria: The desire to defend one’s interests The desire to take into account the interests of the partner Which strategy is the most effective? There is no clear answer to this question. It all depends on the specific situation in which you find yourself. Let’s take a closer look at behavioral strategies. Cooperation is the ability to take into account your interests and the interests of another person. Provides an opportunity to listen, discuss and take into account the partner’s point of view, find a way out that satisfies both parties to the conflict. Owl tactics - collect the necessary information, find out the reasons for the quarrel, listen, discuss, offer a constructive way out of the crisis situation. Compromise - the ability to give up part of one’s interests in order to achieve a common one. goals. Helps to take into account the interests of both parties, to achieve equality in decision-making. The fox’s tactics are to be careful in assessment and formulation, to convince with the help of arguments, to be able to “bargain” Rivalry is the desire to defend only one’s own interests and not take into account the interests of the partner. Helps make a decision in a stressful situation, win over the interests of another person, increases self-esteem and strengthens self-confidence, but does not contribute to maintaining long-term relationships. The shark’s tactics are to suppress, impose one’s opinion, force oneself to obey, provoke, convince oneself that one is exclusively right. Accommodation is the willingness to sacrifice one's interests in order to earn the recognition of a significant person. Helps to maintain a good attitude towards oneself, if that is the goal. Otherwise, it contributes to the accumulation of grievances, claims and disappointments. The tactics of a teddy bear are to always agree with the claims of a partner, indulge in whims, and consider one’s point of view insignificant. Avoidance is avoidance of resolving a situation, lack of desire to consider someone else’s interests, including one’s own . It can be effective if the subject of the quarrel is insignificant or the relationship is not considered serious, it allows you to gain time. The turtle’s tactic is to “hide in the shell”, declare the causes of the conflict frivolous, refuse to sort things out. Any strategy can be effective, so it’s worth using them all in different situations. In order for your relationship to be strong, it is important to understand what strategy and why you use in situations of family quarrels, in order to subsequently change the balance of using strategies and break out of the vicious circle of grievances and complaints.