From the author: published in City Guide magazine, Novosibirsk, November 2012. First you sacrifice yourself for those you love, and then you hate them for this sacrifice. Self-sacrifice is suicide. Bernard Shaw. Psychologists have drawn up a clear description of the woman's behavior, which they call victim behavior. Such women are characterized by the following signs: Women grew up in a family where their emotional needs did not find a response. They are afraid that a man will leave them and try with all their might to be irreplaceable, necessary, even without receiving anything in return. They received insufficient care in childhood and now pay attention to men who seem flawed. They try with all their might to change their partner with the help of their love and good attitude and care. Having become accustomed to the lack of love in the parental family, they wait, hope, try for their partner to change under the influence of a woman’s love. Women are either low, or unstable self-esteem and believe that they are unworthy and cannot be happy. They strive to control the situation and loved ones. In relationships they rely on the illusion of what they want their relationship to be, and not on what is really happening. They are drawn to people who They have a lot of their own problems, they get help and emotional support. Such women often have a tendency to addiction (alcohol, drugs, food addiction). Tendency to depression and mood swings. They are not attracted to kind, reliable, balanced men; they seem boring and uninteresting. The list turned out to be too extensive and, looking at it, you may feel that the victim’s behavior is the fate of a woman and it is impossible or scary to change or remake yourself. Many of the characteristics on this list are socially approved and are even specifically fostered by parents in their daughters. For example, it is necessary to help loved ones and even to the detriment of one’s own interests; one cannot expect gratitude for good deeds, obedience and modesty - indicators of femininity, etc. And many women with this behavior are responsible, success-oriented and achieve a lot in different areas of life. But even this does not allow them to cope with low self-esteem. Positive experience of success in one area does not help to achieve success in another, because... it is safer to regard such success as an accident. Being in a relationship with a partner in which a woman does not feel confident and comfortable, she comes to the conclusion that it is impossible to influence the situation and her life. And then there is a feeling of helplessness in this relationship and completely in your life. In this context, helplessness is a learned or habitual belief, usually not related to the real situation. Many men are afraid of manifestations of strong character traits in women. Recommendations for stabilizing self-esteem, self-confidence and abandoning victim behavior: In relationships with people, take more care of yourself, your interests and needs. Talk as clearly and specifically as possible about your needs, even in situations when there is a possibility of being rejected. Give yourself gifts: free time, attention to your needs, activities, material values. Indulge your desires and needs: find yourself new sources of pleasure, for example, start walking in the park, enroll in a fitness center or studio dancing. Considering her interests, a woman will seem selfish, and accordingly, she will have to endure the anger and disapproval of others. We must remember and take into account that changes in behavior, independence and focus on one’s interests will irritate loved ones. If you find a balance between the needs of your partner, family and your own, you can become a truly psychologically mature woman with stable self-esteem. Psychologist Skritskaya T.V., Ph.D. in psychology, Familia, Center for Family Psychology and Psychotherapy