From the author: 08/15/2013 "Lipetsk newspaper". Elena Bredis // Society In his famous questionnaire, Karl Marx wrote that he values ​​strength most in men, and weakness in women. It is interesting that the fundamental work of the outstanding German philosopher and sociologist “Capital” still remains relevant and in demand, but his answers in the questionnaire are hopelessly outdated. Indeed, how many women today can afford to be weak? But if you follow the views of the author of the theory of surplus value and class struggle, a strong woman ceases to be a woman at all. Our conversation with psychologist and psychoanalyst Ekaterina Antonova tells us how right the founder of dialectical and historical materialism was. - I think Karl Marx formulated a very harmonious model of the relationship between a man and a woman. The key word here is “relationships,” that is, what a family is built on. This does not mean that a woman is actually weak by nature. Doesn’t it take enough strength to bear and give birth to a child? But a relationship with a man is completely different. Here we cannot deprive him of his natural need to feel like support, protection, and breadwinner. - But, you see, in our time, women are increasingly trying to prove in practice that they possess all the best masculine qualities, are ready to successfully replace men and even do without them. “It didn’t start in our time.” Remember what the wonderful idea of ​​equal rights for men and women began to degenerate into after the October Revolution. Women became chairmen of collective farms, secretaries of district and regional committees. They went to work in mines, on construction sites, and chose the professions of geologists and pilots. The notorious Soviet workers in orange vests and with jackhammers in their hands became the “apotheosis”. Even the statue “Worker and Collective Farm Woman” depicts, rather, two fiery fighters for a bright future, rather than a man and a woman. - Well, let’s say that Soviet ideology, in a sense, began to deprive the fair sex of femininity. But this ideology was abandoned more than twenty years ago, and the process of “masculinization” of our women is only gaining momentum every year. Suffice it to recall modern, successful and self-confident business women, who are often referred to behind their backs as “a man in a skirt.” There are still nineties between the USSR and today’s Russia. Everyone knows well how things were when a lot of people lost their jobs, and the rest began to receive pennies. Who was the first to rush to save the family budget? Women. It was they who became the first “shuttle traders”, they were the ones who carried heavy checkered bags, risked their lives on the road, and then ruined their last health, trading all day long in the cold. - Well, yes, and at the same time, many husbands, having lost their jobs, lay on the sofa and doused their ruined lives with vodka... - If we are talking about the fact that a woman today is losing her femininity, then the counter process is a man losing his masculinity. And these processes have a mutual influence. Look what's happening in the same fashion. For women, unisex style: jeans, shirt, sneakers, baseball cap. At the same time, it is advisable not to have pronounced secondary sexual characteristics, so that it is no longer clear whether the child is a girl or a boy. For men, on the contrary, metrosexuals have become fashionable, visiting spa salons and getting manicures and pedicures. Now there is some kind of gender blurring. “But this process began a long time ago in the West with the emergence of the feminist movement. Why do Western women seem so ugly to us? Because they don't want to look attractive, they dress the way they feel comfortable. For them, this is a matter of principle: I don’t care how men react to me. But this contradicts the laws of nature: a woman should want to please a man. “Now the laws of nature are increasingly receding into the background. And the principles of expediency and pragmatism come first. More and more often you can hear: “I will first make a career, achieve financial independence, and then I will think about marriage.” But with suchlife attitude inevitably begins mental and psychological deformations. If your career is going well, it becomes more and more difficult to give up. Awareness of one's own importance, success and independence forces one to put forward very specific demands on men: he must have an appropriate social status, he must be no less financially secure, and he must not infringe on her independence. What kind of love are we talking about here? And over time, it turns out that a husband is not particularly needed, since he will interfere and flicker. And already closer to forty, such an accomplished businesswoman declares: “I decided to give birth to a child for myself.” - So, the maternal instinct still makes itself felt... - Yes, this is no longer a maternal instinct, but rather the fear of being left alone in old age. And such a woman gives birth to a child exclusively “for herself,” for purely selfish reasons. Not only does she not need a man next to her, she is sure that her child does not need a father either. Yes, she will give the baby nannies, governesses, excellent conditions, but she will not be able to give the main thing - warmth and love. Simply because she herself has no experience of love. There was only sex to satisfy physiological needs. — Somehow you speak harshly about modern independent ladies... — Because for me, a woman realizes her femininity primarily in motherhood. Maybe because I have two children myself, and it never occurred to me to postpone having them until I had a fully developed career. Again, when you love a man, you really want to have a child with him, because it will be the real embodiment of your love. “But the sexual revolution also kept pace with feminism, the fruits of which women began to enjoy no less than men. They, together with the representatives of the stronger sex, agreed to replace love with pure physiology... - It’s easier, more convenient and no burden of responsibility. By the way, I want to clarify something. Nowadays, many young women consider sex appeal to be synonymous with femininity, although these are completely different things. Sexuality is a purely external manifestation of the “basic instinct,” while femininity comes from within, from a special state of mind. If it is important for a man to be the best in at least something, then for a woman it is important to be unique, the only one for him. Tell me, will a modern businesswoman have such a need? Since she is independent, then his attitude towards her, his assessments and reactions do not bother her. Even in marriage, such women often behave like submarines in autonomous navigation. And then they complain that relationships with men don’t work out. A striking example of this is the heroine of the film “Moscow Doesn’t Believe in Tears,” but she was not afraid and did not hesitate to demonstrate her weakness and dependence on the man she loves. — And relationships in the family - this is always an addiction, we must remember this. Independent people run away very quickly. By fighting for equality, we have put ourselves at risk. When a woman was weak, the man recognized her right to be so and took responsibility for her life. And now we are forced to earn money like men, to be strong like men, to “take a hit” like them. Then, excuse me, why should a man be strong next to such a woman? He can relax. — It turns out that a successful female leader cannot be feminine? - Of course it can! But a leader is just one of her roles. And we are talking about frequent cases when global replacement occurs, when the role of a leader displaces the role of a mother, and the role of a wife, and the role of a lover. Moreover, note that in these cases she leaves herself a purely male “hypostasis.” I am not at all advocating that a woman should turn into a domestic chicken and forget about her own realization, sacrifice herself. But her femininity should be manifested in the way she behaves towards her husband and child. If you go out into society, to work, please realize yourself! But when you came home, you should be different: warm, caring, gentle. You can’t “carry” work into the house. From teachers.