According to official statistics, about 73% of marriages in Russia break up. 30 years ago this ratio was 42%, and 70 years ago it was only 4%. Why is this happening? After all, we begin a relationship in full confidence that it will last for a long time, maybe even for life. As a result, most of us find ourselves in a state of divorce, which often brings with it many problems, including psychological ones. Obviously, there is no definite answer to this question. However, there is a known pattern that the “marshmallow-chocolate” phase of relationships tends to end. About 1.5 years after its start, the relationship becomes less vibrant, feelings gradually calm down. After some time, we begin to notice the shortcomings of our partner, which we did not pay attention to at first. Quarrels and conflicts begin. And we wonder how right the choice was made. The man seemed to have changed. We tell ourselves, “This is not at all what I expected.” Often by this time, about 3 years have passed since the beginning of the relationship, and they begin to “crunch at the seams.” During this period, a large number of divorces occur. Many couples break off their relationship, find a new partner and, with renewed vigor, plunge into the “marshmallow-chocolate” phase, which inevitably ends and the cycle begins anew. Does this mean that there is no point in a long-term relationship? That sooner or later everything will end, love will pass and only boredom and the hardships of everyday life will remain? Answer: no, not necessarily. Observing couples who manage to maintain long-term relationships, we can highlight at least the following points: they have common values ​​that determine the general movement in life; they are ready for open communication with each other and discuss, among other things, unpleasant issues in in a constructive manner; each of them is an independent person with his own interests; relationships are built on respect and attention to the personality of the other; they are ready to invest their time, effort, energy into relationships, understanding that a successful union is not created by magic. Modern culture does not strongly promote successful long-term relationships. In our environment there are also fewer and fewer couples who, after many years of living together, retain warmth and love towards each other. Often we simply do not have successful role models that we could rely on in order to build strong, stable and long-lasting relationships. The modern world is wonderful because in it we can implement any interaction models and they do not necessarily have to be traditional. However, there is a downside to this. The more diversity we see in partnerships and family relationships, the more different baggage of expectations we come into them with. The views and foundations of the parental family significantly influence how we build our relationships, even if it seems to us that this is not the case. On this topic, I remember the film with Michelle Pfeiffer and Bruce Willis “The Story of Us” (1999). One of the frames clearly shows how a conversation between a husband and wife is structured taking into account the opinions of their parents. It seems that there are not two of them in bed, but all six of them, including dad and mom on each side. But there is always a way out. The higher our awareness, the easier it is for us to constructively perceive what is happening. The sooner we understand how suitable a partner is for us in terms of his values, life aspirations, expectations from the relationship, the easier it will be for us to make the right decision. You can try asking yourself the following questions and compare , how much does your ideal idea of ​​​​a relationship correspond to the real one, how much your answers to these questions coincide or contradict the answers of your partner. Interpersonal relationships What exactly is important to you in interpersonal relationships (common interests, mutual understanding, spending time together, sex, etc.)? Would you prefer that a person was interested in your affairs or gave you the freedom to talk only about what you want? Which ones? areas of your life are you ready.