From the author: My thoughts based on real stories Lately clients have been coming to me with queries about sex and sexual relationships. The requests are different, but most of them boil down to dissatisfaction with sex. As a result of therapy, we most often come to the conclusion that true desires are being replaced. There is a need for tenderness, love and affection, but in reality it turns out that the only way to satisfy this need is sex. I don’t argue that good, high-quality sex is wonderful, during sex the closest contact occurs, the body cannot be deceived, and the body cannot deceive. But, as I often hear from my clients, and as a rule, most often, my clients are men, that after sexual contact a man leaves with a feeling of disgust, shame and guilt, in a state of complete devastation, in devaluing loneliness. Unfortunately, sex is most often used by men and women as a drug, an anesthetic for internal pain and loneliness. There is a feeling that sexual contact can replace or replace the emptiness that is created as a result of the trauma of loss, the trauma of rejection. But in fact, there are other ways to fill the emptiness inside - this is warm, friendly communication, touch without penetration - warm hugs, in the end, the experience of warm, confidential communication in personal therapy with a psychologist. In a relationship, it is important to separate sexual arousal from arousal, which can arise from communication. Not all arousal has to be realized. In a healthy sexual relationship, it is important to consider the differences and equality of partners. The difference is in the difference between the sexes, the partner should not impose his traditions and habits, demand complete submission and compliance with his expectations. Treating your partner with respect is the key to a healthy sexual relationship. Everything that suits both partners is the norm, what does not suit is violence. In a healthy sexual relationship, everything is allowed that suits and suits both. In a healthy sexual relationship there is healthy aggression; in general, sex is an aggressive action that violates the physical boundaries of the partner. Aggression is easy to confuse with violence; to do this, it is necessary to separate these two actions. Violence occurs without the desire of the partner, against his will. Sex is wonderful when you have feelings for your partner; when you don’t, it’s lust.!