It hurts so much that you don't have it. Today I picked up the metaphorical cards “Silence” - cards with traumatic scenes that help to isolate the client’s traumatic feelings that are similar in meaning and perception. And it felt so shocking to me. I saw many cards related to health, illness, medicine, hospital, defectiveness, helplessness. And I thought, because that’s how I see it. I'll attach them here as an example. The cards whisper to me about feeling flawed, wounded, but not letting go of the old life. For example, a patient is a racer, lying on a hospital bed and holding the steering wheel, and the legs of the bed have wheels. The patient continues his race, holding on to the old, not noticing and not accepting his pain and loss, stuck. Or I see bandaged hands with missing fingers, but playing the piano. I don’t want to let go of my most valuable identity - a musician. Or the surgeon sits in the dark and the paw of the operating table shines on him. It’s as if the surgeon cannot realize that there are no more patients, but he cannot take off his surgeon’s robes, just as he cannot come out of the darkness, because he is afraid of becoming nothing. I also felt and continue to feel disconnected from my main role - a doctor or psychologist - which is very significant. Why so significant? Yes, because in my youth, when entering medical school. university, mom and dad were shocked by my achievement. Especially dad. He became proud of my role, even to the point of his cancer. Yes, when he was sick, he kept me close all the time. I was not a daughter then. She was a doctor for dad. And how to refuse this role? When it is so significant, although it is impossibly difficult in some cases and when there are no more clients, and therefore no significance. Also, many people feel abandoned, lonely, unnecessary, defective, not imagining themselves valuable in other roles, and in general. When I was sick, and now I am still little active, when there are few clients, I felt and still feel unnecessary, not valuable, not important. It's like I'm not there. It hurts to see how others do it. How to work with such situations? How to restore your own importance? How to surrender to the freedom and variety of choice of paths for activities, your roles? First you need to accept your feelings and thoughts. As one famous person said: “When there is emptiness in the soul, you need to live it, and not be distracted, not pull yourself together, not force yourself to artificially look for interests, not force yourself to apparently rejoice. Only by living, at some point will you feel the bottom and be able to push off, feeling the strength in yourself.” See the whole picture wider than you see at first. What do you see first? I’m a failure, I can’t do it, I’m helpless. But in reality, how is everything going? I understand all the feelings. This is terrible. Yes, dad valued me as a doctor. Yes, dad was disappointed when I got pregnant. Yes, dad was disappointed when I left doctors. But I know and can do so much. At some point in my life, I gave a lot to people: clients, colleagues, comrades, friends. It's valuable for life. A part of me is always with them. And ahead are other people and me with the same and new qualities. Now after the illness, when my immunity and body have weakened, I need more resources. At first I didn’t want much. Then emptiness. So we need to consider this emptiness. Yes, I cry, but I experience losses, and I notice that I am different. My daughter constantly tells me that I am very beautiful and smart, that I am very strong and have done so many things, that it is important for me to have a good rest. He says that he will raise me, earn money and take me to the Maldives))) Working with self-worth is a long process. It happens all my life. From time to time we return to depreciation. And this means that we are simply exhausted. See reality. Accept her pain. Get out of the old role, even if it hurts a lot. At first it will be uncomfortable from the vast, but seemingly empty space. But the whole world is there and he sees you, appreciates and loves you, like mom and dad without any roles. I will attach the last card on which I see the love of the great mother. I am part of it (I am the rose tree). The great mother hugs me,.