From the author: Continuation of the topic about husbands and wives) The conversation about how to build harmonious relationships in a couple, begun in the article “How to find a good husband?”, It will be logical to continue by considering this problem with from a different perspective, making the starting point not a woman, but a man. Many of the provisions that we talked about in the previous article will be relevant for both girls and boys. For example, undoubtedly, representatives of both sexes will be concerned by the main thesis of that conversation: “you need to look not for a husband (wife) - but for God’s will.” Further, the axiom “mature personalities attract mature ones, immature ones attract immature ones” retains its meaning in both cases - and therefore, in order to build harmonious, adult relationships, both the girl and the guy need to develop as individuals, grow in a variety of areas: physically, psychologically , morally, emotionally, and, finally, spiritually. And this is where the differences begin. The process of growing up, the personal development of a guy and a girl are different. Although there are common points for them - for example, openness to other people and events - the path to maturation has its own characteristics that girls do not encounter or encounter much less often and not so acutely. Accordingly, boys and girls play different roles in building relationships; they set different goals and achieve them in different ways. And it is in these differences, in their harmonious combination, that lies the beauty, multidimensionality and complexity of relations between the sexes. Thus, I would formulate the key idea of ​​this conversation as follows: “to find a real woman, you need to become a real man.” Developing this thesis, I will rely on J. Eldridge’s book “The Unbridled Heart,” as well as on my own reflections. In the book “The Unbridled Heart” by J. Eldridge says that every man is, first of all, a warrior. It doesn't matter what era he lives in or what "weapons" he has at his disposal. The task of a male warrior is to explore and conquer new horizons, discover something unknown, and fight for what is important and dear to him. It should be noted that this struggle becomes meaningful only when a man fights for something greater and more important than himself and his life: “A man must have his own battle in this life, a great mission that is more important to him than his home and family. He must have a cause to which he remains devoted even at the cost of his own life, because he cannot do otherwise. This is why the Lord created you - to be His close friend, to become His comrade-in-arms in the Great Battle,” writes Eldridge. This means that a man must have convictions, have faith - and be able to defend them in a world that will very often be hostile to him. This Great Battle, which is essentially a man's life itself, is made up of many smaller, often unnoticed battles that take place every day. Christianity becomes a real challenge for a man. Leading a Christian lifestyle, defending your values ​​and beliefs is a very important element of the Great Battle. The image of the battle suggests that a male warrior must be strong - and not be afraid to show and use his strength. This strength does not have to be physical (or only physical). More important is mental and spiritual strength. This means that a man is not afraid to express his emotions, including unpleasant ones, for example, anger - and at the same time does not allow emotions to “carry away” him; he is not afraid to take responsibility; a man is not afraid of responsibilities; he is proactive; he is persistent and knows how to achieve his goal; he is consistent; true to his word; he is active; not afraid of difficulties; fair; honest; he loves adventure; he is not afraid to change his life; he knows what he wants, sets goals and achieves them. All these qualities help a man in one of the main battles of the Great Battle: the Conquest of Beauty. Describing this battle, Eldridge draws, as it were, an illustration for a fairy tale: a beautiful Princess sits in a high tower, guarded by a dragon. And the knight’s task, accordingly, is to kill the dragon, destroy the tower and save the Princess. And this is where the problems beginmany young people when it comes to dating a girl. The fact is that to destroy the tower and kill the dragon means overcoming difficulties and being exposed to danger. And this is precisely what modern young people often do not know how to do and are afraid of. In fact, modern man does everything possible to avoid difficulties and dangers. The tragedy for men is that it is in their nature to overcome difficulties. By refusing this, they abandon themselves. This refusal is facilitated by two “harmful advisers” who mislead modern men, and, if you give in to them, lead to a dead end. These “harmful advisers” are the world and the flesh. The world offers us a distorted value system in which the dignity and worth of a person is determined not by who he is, but by what he has. Based on this, such “scarecrow” stereotypes are created for men, such as: “if you don’t have a girlfriend by this age, you’re a loser,” “if you don’t have sex, you’re abnormal”; “if you don’t have an iPhone (computer, car.....) - you are nobody”, “they will laugh at you if you don’t have a girlfriend, or better yet, several girls.” By the way, there is a considerable amount of truth in this - and it is all the more difficult to resist this “scarecrow.” But there are also absolutely false statements, for example, “lack of sex is harmful to your health.” I recently came across an article on this topic. It says that the lack of regular (at least once every two days) sex leads to decreased immunity, depression, mood swings, hormonal disorders and even cancer. It remains a mystery how priests and nuns who took a vow of celibacy are still alive.... Finding himself face to face with such attitudes, a man must make a choice - fight or give up. And here the second “harmful adviser” appears on the scene - the flesh, about which the Apostle Paul wrote that it is “weak.” Our flesh is always cowardly and ready to back down. “Why would I stick my neck out...”, “I’ll do like everyone else...”; “I’d rather agree...”; “Why do I need these troubles...” - all this is the voice of our weak flesh. Her favorite path is the path of least resistance, and that is where she pushes us. However, we are all made of more than just flesh. We have a spirit to which the Holy Spirit testifies that we are children of God. This is us - the real ones, this is the image of God imprinted on us. And since God does not give in to difficulties, it is not right for us to do the same. Guys who strive to become (or remain) real men should especially not do this. By defining a person’s value through what he has - no matter girls or things - the value system of the modern world is opposed to the understanding of true maturity (which is why guys are initially immature , practicing pick-up). In the article “How to find a good husband?” we talked about how for a mature person, romantic relationships and marriage are only one of the possible paths to achieving holiness - the goal of every Christian. Accordingly, our development and our value do not depend in any way on their presence or absence. So, for guys (as well as for girls), practical advice number 1 for building harmonious relationships is to grow up, develop and become mature. For guys, this means developing in themselves those masculine qualities that we talked about. Next. Maturity involves openness. It is important to remember that when communicating with a girl, a young man is not at all obliged to start dating her. At the same time, communication enriches people. Therefore, it is important to be able to establish friendly relationships with girls. This makes it possible to get to know them as individuals: their interests, life priorities, hobbies, etc. Perhaps over time, out of all of them, one will come to the fore, with which a romantic relationship will begin. It is very important for the development of relationships that your systems coincide with the girl’s. values. To get to know them, as we have already written, it is enough to watch the girl and talk with her about a variety of things - about what interests you or her. What to do if your.