In continuation of the last two articles, I would like to talk about breakup. Parting with a significant person, as well as ending a significant life stage, is always a difficult process. A breakup or some kind of ending can remain a trauma, or it can become an experience. Trauma is a distortion of perception, an inability to identify feelings and an inability to see reality. A person in trauma lives it over and over again, even when everything is over, he seems to get stuck in everything these difficult feelings and it seems to him that everything is happening now. The first thing to do when breaking up is to admit reality. Yes, it's happening right now. Yes, we broke up, our relationship is over, nothing else will happen. This can be very painful, and this is where the most difficulties occur. There are not all ways to cope with rising feelings when you have to face this reality (about this in the article - I can’t be alone). Recognize reality and record losses - at this point you will have to face all the unjustified hopes about this relationship and it will happen again hurt. Perhaps, if all hopes were justified at least partially, it is important to recognize their significance in life. Recognize that what is now leaving has weight and meaning, it was important and will leave a mark on the soul in any case. At this stage, you need to understand the irreversibility of what is happening, and not anesthetize yourself with thoughts that maybe someday we will be together again, or that nothing much will change, we will remain friends. Such thoughts can immerse you in illusion, and you can get stuck there, which will exclude you from life in the future. It is important to identify all the feelings that arise in this process. What happens to you when you realize that this is reality? What happens to you when you realize how significant is leaving your life? What happens to you when you realize that this is going away completely? All this is important to understand and say. Speaking out, denoting our feelings, this will already cause relief, because at this moment we seem to separate ourselves from the feelings, we do not allow them to completely flood us, and then we can withstand them. We remain in contact with our feelings, which is important, but we are at a distance from them. It is important not to avoid, not to repress, not to try to quickly rid ourselves of difficult experiences in any way, this will only contribute to getting stuck. When identifying all feelings, it is important to give them time and place. Learn to live with them. Yes, I am in pain now, I feel fear, anger, but this does not stop my life, I still live and can go about my business. It is important not to exclude yourself from life, of course, when a bereavement occurs, the death of a loved one, there will be a period of time when there is nothing but pain in life - this will be just about the first stage - recognition of reality. And when this is done, it will be important to return to your life. The next step will be to learn to live in a new reality. Without this person. How much will your life change? What habits will go away or remain? And the final stage will be to determine a new place in your consciousness for this relationship and this person - this is translation into experience. It was and it is over, now this man is my ex-husband, with whom we lived such good moments and such not so good moments. Going through a separation is an important process that you need to complete for your future good life. Of course, everything is individual, no relationships and separations are the same. It's important that your life is bigger anyway.