From the author: How important is external beauty for a person? Does she make him happy? And should we bet only on it? Based on materials from Svetlana Oskolkova’s author’s blog “Your Psychologist” How do fairy tales usually begin? “Far away, in the thirtieth kingdom, there lived a king and a queen. And they had a daughter, such a beauty that it’s impossible to tell in a fairy tale or describe with a pen.” Or like this: “Beyond the sea, beyond the island of Buyan, in a distant state there lived a merchant and he had three daughters, all of whom were sweet in face and to their father. submissive." Or even like this: “In one village there lived a poor widow with a very pretty daughter, they lived hard.” But I dare to assure you, no matter what the fairy tale, what the plot and what the ending, the main character must certainly be a beauty. She has a white face, a thin figure, bottomless eyes, rosy cheeks, a braid below the waist. And only later, as things progress, it turns out that the girl, in addition to outstanding external data, is also not stupid, flexible and hardworking. Ugly women, shrews and sloths are usually on the list of negative heroines. Oddly enough, the authors of most famous non-fairy-tale literary works also prefer to cast a lady in the role of the main character, at least simply pretty, at most of unearthly beauty. Who do they usually read fairy tales to? Of course, for children, and from a very early age, infancy. Girls are ready to listen to fairy-tale stories about enchanted princesses and overseas princes on white horses for hours. And our children grow up with a strong inner conviction that it doesn’t matter whether you are smart, educated, or capable of being independent. Must be beautiful. Otherwise, nothing good. No kingdom, no prince or princess nearby, no glory, no joy. Beauty, as we know, is a terrible force in achieving social and personal success. One might think that it would be completely inappropriate for the handsome hero to chop off the heads of the Serpent Gorych, but it would be somehow more pleasant for the ugly princess to languish in Koshchei’s dungeon. The reality is far from the fairy tale. There are not so many handsome men and beauties in life, especially since the standards for assessing a person’s appearance are constantly changing. But the myth about beauty as the root cause of all good things in life, inspired by fairy tales and fables, remains unchanged. And people fight to look perfect. The entire fashion and fitness industry, cosmetic surgery and cosmetology, nutrition, pharmacology live and thrive on this myth. They are echoed by the television and film industry, advertising and show business, driving the thirst of women and men to look their very best to the point of madness. I rarely watch TV, mostly news and documentaries. I understand absolutely nothing about TV series or talk shows. And one day, while switching the buttons on the remote control, I came across a horror TV movie. Hey, a feast for pedophiles and perverts of all stripes, in the morning, children's and mother's air, without indicating age restrictions for viewing and any censorship. My eyes, I remember, opened wide in horror. And I was sure that the promotion of child pornography is strictly prosecuted by law. Naive. It was an American reality show “Toddlers & Tiaras”. In the Russian version - “Crown Children”. It was shown on the Muz-TV channel. I was able to stand through a couple of episodes in order to form a more adequate opinion. The essence of the film is to show the behind the scenes of American beauty pageants for little girls. With all the details of the preparation of young beauties: pre-selection, performance training, diet, makeup, manicure, hairdresser, fashion designer. In detail, hour after hour, day after day, competition after competition, from home gatherings to the announcement of nominees. Literally barely out of diapers, in diapers, the girls parade down the catwalk in front of the jury in sexy outfits, with a kilogram of makeup on their faces, a voluminous hairstyle, sometimes even with false busts and buttocks. After carefully watching the TV show, the recipient of my indignation changed. The reality show, in fact, was just a mirror of the screaming disgrace called “children's beauty pageants.” By the way, with a rather objective mirror, they say: “We filmed everything as it is, and you,Dear TV viewers, draw your own conclusions.” And, judging by the reviews of the program on the Internet, the impression is rather negative. The presence of parental love for their children is considered an unconditional axiom. If some people give birth to a child, then by definition they idolize him, it cannot be otherwise. Everything that a mother or father does in relation to their offspring is good by default. But is this really so? I myself, as a psychotherapist specializing in systemic family psychotherapy, know for sure that the notorious love for children is just a delusion, a myth, a fiction. More often we have to admit the presence of deep, long-standing parental hatred, resulting in sophisticatedly veiled aggression. It is very difficult to work with this; no one is able to honestly admit at least the ambivalence of their attitude towards their child. But in order to get to the bottom of the cause of the problems, one must admit the fact that there is a problem. The show “Toddlers & Tiaras” demonstrates this very hidden hatred in the best possible way. Outwardly, the parents of these girls seem to be doing everything right, for the benefit of their daughters. They are taken to beauty contests in different American cities, introduced to the world of show business, and prepared for a future promising and lucrative profession. At the same time, communication, new impressions, outfits, jewelry, admiring glances, dancing, vocal classes, stage speech and much more. But this is only a shiny outer package to disguise the vile manipulation of one’s child. Constant travel, diets, complex activities that are not very interesting or at all useful for young ladies. Often, at the expense of education and entertainment. Communication with peers only in conditions of fierce competition, excluding the formation of friendly relations. Instillation of narcissism and extreme egocentrism. The show more than once shows how little girls make angry scandals with their dressers, hairdressers, and stylists. With loud curses, insulting adults, throwing objects. Girls are forced to sit for hours in make-up rooms while complex hair and makeup is done for them. In pursuit of external effect, some parents undergo plastic surgery in order to give the girl’s figure unusual feminine shapes. And then they spend the whole day in the competition hall, in a fluffy, uncomfortable dress, with false manicure, adult makeup and hair frozen in lacquered chaos. The face must not be touched under any circumstances! They watch the performances of their competitors, follow the jury’s decision and wait for the results, they get nervous. And sometimes all this just to get a plastic crown for a couple of dollars. Only one winner receives a ticket to a higher-level competition along with a cash prize. But the saddest thing in this video diary is to watch how adults create a monster of unknown age and appearance from a completely ordinary, pretty little girl. And then these monsters make faces on stage, wag their children’s butts in a vulgar way, make ridiculous grimaces, grin in an artificial smile, blow air kisses and coquettishly wave their hands. A hymn to unnaturalness, an ode to falsehood, a song of pretense. They sincerely try to please the audience, they trust adults in general and their parents in particular. They don’t know that this is pure mockery. They also say that in Europe and America they strictly monitor the spread of child pornography and pedophilia. Why then are these blatant beauty pageants ignored? God, I'm falling into moralizing. These young beauties look especially strange compared to their mothers. Their mothers, on the contrary, often look very lifelike and not always presentable for a television show. Most of them are noticeably overweight, stooped, sometimes wearing virtually no makeup, sometimes wearing extravagant makeup, often having not been to a hairdresser for a long time and dressed in very comfortable, but shapeless clothes, and simple shoes. Beautiful girls do not always have well-groomed mothers who are housewives. Maybe they would like to rewind a couple of decades ago and take part in the election of the prettiest girl? Learn to dance?