From the author: An article on how girls can avoid disappointments in love This article was prompted to write by repeated requests from deceived girls for help. Of all requests for psychological help, the largest percentage occurs in cases of disappointed hopes and disappointments in a loved one. This problem becomes especially relevant due to the fact that a girl, whose hopes for happiness were cruelly trampled, is capable of committing actions that radically change her life, and sometimes even deprive her of it. Of course, many may now object to something like “it’s their own fault.” ", "there was nothing to worry about" or "if we lived according to the norms of Islam, nothing would have happened," etc. I will not dispute any of the arguments, since they reflect the truth, but I will draw attention to the fact that in 16- A 20-year-old girl cannot always distinguish truth from lies, and none of us are immune from mistakes. In addition, it is known for certain that if a young girl falls in love, the consequence of this may be an involuntary disregard for the principles and norms that guided her previously. Therefore, it is best to equip her with the right knowledge in advance and help her not to get into such a situation. Before moving on to describing specific methods of deception used by unscrupulous young people, it is important to consider the internal reasons that lie in the hearts of the girls themselves and act as fertile ground for deception. Of course, the dominant reason is the absence of an internal system of moral prohibitions, clearly defined within the framework of religious prohibitions and regulations. It is precisely because of the lack of internal brakes that the girl allows herself to rush into the maelstrom of intrigue and love adventures. However, one should also take into account the fact that a girl with weakened religious attitudes can simply ignore the urges of her conscience and follow her own feelings. As a rule, this happens due to an incorrect assessment of what is happening and imaginary confidence in one’s own rightness. Usually in the head of a girl standing on the threshold of new impressions, the thought that she is not like others, that she is smarter than others, and something disastrous can happen to anyone, but not to her, dominates in her consciousness. This is the most dangerous thought that you need to identify in yourself in time and stop the painful absorption of your entire consciousness by it. Another, no less important motive lies in the fact that a girl, at certain periods of her life, experiences new urges for herself, cannot interpret them correctly and erroneously takes them for the voice of the heart, which, in her deep conviction, cannot deceive. In this case, an internal readiness for new sensations and... no matter how paradoxical it may sound, the desire to be deceived is manifested. Often girls compare themselves with friends who are getting married, or with those whose future is more or less clear (engaged, for example), they begin to feel somewhat flawed, uncomfortable, and they have a desire to keep up with them, which pushes them to accept wishful thinking. This is that internal readiness that can play a cruel joke. After a fairly cursory review of the internal reasons for girls, it makes sense to talk about the so-called external factors, about the specific methods that hunters of women’s hearts resort to. They can be conditionally divided into two large categories: active and passive ladies' men, in modern youth slang - pick-up artists. Active seducers are divided into several subgroups, united by one common phenomenon - they use active methods of influence. Let's look at them in detail. The first category includes those whose fame as a ladies' man is known in wide circles, and it plays into their hands. Such a person does not hesitate to express his own feelings and describes them in bright colors. But at the same time, he does not show much diligence in courtship, often demonstrating imaginary indifference. This type is very well revealed in Pushkin’s novel “Eugene Onegin”: He didn’t fall in love with beauties, But he was dragging himself somehow; If they refused, he was instantly consoled; If they cheated, he was glad.relax. In such situations, the main destructive factor is the girl’s desire to find out what it is about this guy that attracted others. In addition, the next victim of such a rake is guided by the belief that only she can break his heart, thereby avenging all the deceived girls. And this thought is dangerous, because it does not make it possible to adequately assess the situation and avoid communicating with this person. The second category includes someone who looks after you very beautifully, speaks beautiful words, and promises “mountains of gold.” Such people, as a rule, call for common dreams, say that they have never experienced such feelings before, that you are exactly the one he has dreamed of all his life, and further in the same direction. The main emphasis of this type of influence is aimed at matching the ideal model of love living in the mind of a particular girl. Considering that most girls read the same novels and watch the same TV series, then you don’t need to be a genius to guess the dreams of a particular girl, since they are a reflection of what they read and saw. In such situations, you need to be guided by the following rule: a sincerely loving the guy will not be able to speak openly and confidently about his feelings, because the fear of rejection paralyzes him. Excitement on this basis will not allow him to be spontaneous and natural. This is the main idea that should guide you. However, we cannot exclude the possibility that someone, knowing that the girl is guided by this rule, will not act out the scene of an exciting confession. But for this action there is a reaction. We must not forget that the womanizer least of all desires marriage; he pursues less lofty goals. If a guy you like with a good disposition starts talking about his love, you should immediately direct him to talk with your parents. If he is motivated by good motives, then he will do so, and if not... then save time and nerves. In general, listening to beautiful, sophisticated speeches about love, you should wonder where he learned this so well, because for this it was necessary somewhere and on someone to “train” (sorry for the vulgarity). In Balzac’s play Vautrin there is an interesting phrase that reflects the nature of such interaction: “Feigned love is much more refined than true love. This is why women are so often deceived.” It’s difficult to add anything, and is it even worth it? The third category can roughly include dreamers and romantics. They perfectly sense the mood of their “victim” and skillfully play along with them. Most often, as an influencing tool, they use conversations about the girls themselves, about how well they understand her, and about how many vile young people are now trying to deceive the girl and take advantage of this. Naturally, in such a situation, the girl mistakenly believes that since he condemns such guys and their dishonest behavior, then, probably, he himself is above this. This is exactly the thought that he is counting on to form, because he knows that it is precisely this that will lead the girl to the conclusion that he is not like everyone else, that he corresponds to her ideal. Alternatively, the next stage of communication with such people will be an invitation to a joint dream about their supposed future life together. The problem is that after such dreams, this same rake will become closer in the girl’s mind, there will be a feeling that he is a husband in five minutes, and this is very, very dangerous. As for the passive rake, then basically all his behavior comes down to demonstrating that how unhappy they are in their lives. All their conversations concern how unlucky they are in life, that no one can understand them, appreciate the depth of their inner world, etc., etc. This type is even more dangerous than the active one, since it acts on a fail-safe point - on maternal instinct. As a result, these conversations lead to the fact that, figuratively speaking, with tears in his eyes, he ends up in the bed of the girl who patronizes him. By the way, this type of people does not disdain frank.