From the author: Yes, they go to a psychologist as if they were a venereologist: when it is no longer possible to live and, at the same time, it is terribly ashamed and scary that they will judge you and prescribe sick medicine. My heart was pounding like an egg in a pot of boiling water. Sally Gardner. Wormy Moon The majority refuse freedom because of fear. Sallust, Roman historian Therefore, even after taking the first step and crossing the threshold of the office, resistance often turns on. But it naturally shows ingenuity and dresses up skillfully like an experienced carnival girl, and does not say “I resist changes in my life.” Resistance always manifests itself as a very rational and logical explanation that does not tolerate objections: I feel sorry for the money; “there’s no time for that now – later”; “the psychologist didn’t understand me”; “and so, in fact, it’s not bad”... And here there are several types of “resisters”: 1. Rejectors are those who will no longer appear in the specialist’s office.2. Travelers are clients who go to different psychologists over many years, because the goal is not to solve the problem, but to “solve” - and these are different tasks from each other. Let's imagine a traveler climbing a mountain. There are several paths - steeper, lower, more dangerous... but walking along one of them, we will sooner or later reach the top (each at our own pace). Or you can, having tried one path, go in search of another - what if it’s faster and easier... and then to the third - it turns out to be prettier and nicer... and then jump over again - a friend said that it’s “so cool”... And you can do this travel along the slopes for the rest of my life, justifying myself “this is my destiny/parents/partner...”3. Irreversible victims of circumstances. They are ready, on the contrary, to visit a psychologist for years who will feel sorry for them and support their idea that it is impossible to change anything now, “turn on the mechanism of patience” and “I will help you survive grief.” Such people, when they come to an honest specialist, are afraid of him, like a kitten of a vacuum cleaner. For example, a lady came to me who had been seeing a psychotherapist for two years. Her children live with their father and his parents. Her living conditions “do not allow her to take children in” and “her salary allows her to provide only for herself.” The parents of her ex-husband are “turning the children” against her and the children “don’t really want to communicate with their mother.” When asked the sacred question “What do you want?” for the ninth time, the answer was absolutely magical: “So that everything remains the same.” She categorically does not understand what she wants from me and why she came to me. In response to my remark “You cannot want everything to remain the same!”, she burst into tears mercilessly and refused further conversation. Yes, the client, like every person, has his own injuries and tragedies, but you can carefully protect your sore, not allowing it to be touched, and allowing it to take over your entire body, or you can agree to therapy or even surgery. In view of all of the above, I sing odes to courageous clients and a priori respect anyone who has the courage to seek help from a specialist. At the same time, I instruct clients that psychological work is similar to work in sports: if there is no effort, overcoming oneself - one’s resistances and even despair, if there is no desire to do a little more than last time, there will be no growth. What kind of growth is implied in psychological work? Becoming more conscious, independent, capable of solving life problems, coping with difficult circumstances - that is, becoming the author of your life, its responsible creator. This, among other things, is the ability to accept our anxiety, fear of inadequacy, fear for our loved ones, understanding that crises and falls are inevitable - but we fall in order to get up and move on. Therefore, of course, working with a psychologist must end someday. A psychologist is not a crutch, but a temporary companion who has knowledge that is useful to me at a certain stage of life. And the worst thing about working on self-change is the result. Firstly, our environment will be.