How do we form low self-esteem? No matter how we try to reduce the role of childhood and early education, these periods of development are still largely responsible for self-esteem. Because, the first people, who evaluate us are our parents, they are the ones who form our basic beliefs and ideas about ourselves and other people. Unfortunately, when raising children, most parents, due to their own psychological underdevelopment, unite the child with his actions and behavior. “You broke it.” toy, you’re a bad boy.” Instead of: “You broke a toy, this is a bad thing and you shouldn’t do that, but you’re not bad, and I still love you.” I understand that many parents, by and large, don’t always want waste time on some kind of “empty chatter” and explain something to the child about the reasons for his dissatisfaction and the consequences of his action, etc. It is much easier to punish him, humiliate him, scold him, beat him, using your emotions, because the parents never broke plates. The child’s thinking is quite specific and not yet developed for a full analysis and construction of complex cause-and-effect relationships in order to understand the logic between his actions, parental anger and their attitude towards him. Therefore, he simply takes from the situation the simplest and most painful “I feel that I am a problem”, “I bring inconvenience”, “I’m probably bad”. Added to this is the fact that many educators, teachers, instructors in a child’s life lower his self-esteem, placing emphasis on shame, on causing he has a feeling of shame and form “double messages” in relation to him. And as a rule, this is disguised as some good intentions, based on the fact that they want to make the child responsible, obedient and strong, etc. “You committed this offense again” as You’re not ashamed, shameless, don’t even think about showing yourself to me.” “You got a C, but you could have gotten a B, you should have done more.” Double messages are also manifested in the fact that on the one hand the child is praised, and on the other, everything They equally convey to him inflated demands: “I know that you are an excellent student, but you still have to prove it.” Conclusion. These methods may show effectiveness for some time, but the price for this will be too high. Since a child, receiving parental messages, learns to blame and make things worse only for himself, which in the future develops into a tendency towards self-flagellation, neurotic perfectionism, increased anxiety and other negative habits, thanks to which he notices little of anything good in himself, but in others considers ideal.1) My “Course of overcoming depression, anxiety and neurosis.”2) The book “Self-help for neurosis - 15 techniques for fear and anxiety.”3) My courses for psychologists:4) Registration for a face-to-face cognitive-behavioral group in St. Petersburg.