Conflicts between parents and children: ways to resolve them Sometimes parents suppress the desires of a teenager, and he is forced to retreat, submit, harboring a grudge against adults, sometimes parents give in to the teenager, experiencing feelings of indignation, powerlessness and resentment. Both of these methods are no better, if only because someone inevitably ends up losing. But a win-win option is also possible, which embodies the search for a solution that satisfies the needs of both parties - both parents and child. Unconstructive ways of resolving conflicts: “The parent wins” Parents who are inclined to use this method believe that it is necessary to defeat the child and break his resistance. If you give him free rein, he will “sit on your neck.” Without noticing it themselves, they show children a dubious example of behavior: “always get your own way, regardless of the desires of others.” And children are very sensitive to the manners of their parents and imitate them from early childhood. So in families where authoritarian, forceful methods are used, children quickly learn to do the same. They, as it were, return the lesson taught to the adults and then “the scythe lands on a stone.” There is another version of this method of resolving a conflict situation: gently, but not persistently, demand that the child fulfill his desire. This is often accompanied by explanations that the child eventually agrees with. However, if such pressure is a constant tactic of parents with which they achieve their goal, the child learns another rule: “My personal interests, desires and needs do not count.” In some families, children are defeated for years. They grow up either aggressive or passive. But in both cases, they accumulate anger, resentment, and the relationship cannot be called close and trusting. “Only the child wins” This path is followed by parents who are either afraid of conflicts or are ready to constantly sacrifice themselves “for the good of the child.” In such cases, children grow up as selfish people who do not know how to organize themselves. This may not manifest itself at home, but at school, in the company of such a child, great difficulties arise - no one wants to indulge them. Such children remain alone and often become the object of ridicule from other children. Incorrectly resolved family conflicts (no matter large or small) inevitably give an “accumulation effect.” And under its influence, character traits are formed, which are then reflected in the relationships between grown children and aging parents. A constructive way to resolve conflicts is that both parties, the parent and the child, benefit. To properly resolve a conflict situation, there is a step-by-step scheme that allows you to change the situation to the satisfaction of both sides of the confrontation: First step Define the problem. Here it is necessary to find out the reasons for the unacceptable behavior of a child or adult. To this end, it is most useful to listen to him carefully, and then tell him about your needs and experiences. Second step: Search for possible solutions. We need to look for them together. First, it is useful to go through all the options that come to mind, even if they, at first glance, seem unsuitable. This can be a kind of “brainstorming”, when any idea is proposed and none is criticized. Third step Discussion and evaluation of the proposed solution options. The starting principle here is the same; The needs of both parties - both the child and the adult - must be met. Fourth step: Choosing the best solution. At the same time, you need to ask each other questions: “If we use this idea, what will happen? Will everyone be happy? What is wrong with this solution?” Fifth step Determine how to implement this solution: what needs to be done. Sixth step Assess how well the intended course of action solves the problem. At the same time, it is useful to ask each other: “Did the problem go away? Are you satisfied with what we have done?” It is possible to avoid the problem of “fathers and sons”. This requires a thoughtful approach to your relationship with your child. Appreciate him as a person, but don't.