A serious problem today is the general infantilization of society. And this begins from 5-7 years. Then, it is clearly formed in the teenage crisis, when a teenage child wants more independence, his own affairs , work, communicate with friends, be an adult and at the same time accepted by family. At that moment, the family intensely cares for such infantile adults in the future and does not allow them to do anything. God forbid I work! It is early! Decide something, and suddenly you make a mistake!! We’ll have to figure it out later, NO, such parents say. We have lived life, we know what is best! We protect him (her) and give them the best, it’s enough that we knocked through the walls with our foreheads! Regularly, fathers and mothers, who are quite successful themselves, bring their “children” from 20 to 30 years old and say: He (she) doesn’t want anything, does not strive for anything.... Fix it, please. It must be said that observing these fathers and mothers during a consultation is already quite informative: they know everything better - WHAT, HOW and WHEN is needed and should happen with their over-aged child. But he (she) does not correspond. From a recent consultation: Mom: this is some kind of nightmare! I had to go through this. My daughter lied to me for a year, and then I found out that she was expelled from the university. I had to go through so much shame! I went to the dean and persuaded US!!!! left. After all, she (the daughter) is stupid, doesn’t want anything, so she has to take the rap. And she also studies for a fee, because she was too lazy to enroll! Me: What else does your daughter do? What did she want to be as a child? How old is she. What does she like to do? What does she say about the current situation? (I’m shortening the consultation until the meaning is clear, of course everything was longer and more detailed) Mom: She still works, she likes her job, but if it affects her studies so much, I’ll make her quit. she MUST finish her studies FULL-TIME. She is 21 years old. She wanted to be a designer, but I think she has no abilities and we agreed with her (I convinced her) that it was better for her to go to languages, there will always be work. And now she works as a teacher and tutors, she already has a lot of clients and she is in good standing. Regarding the current situation, she says that she wants to transfer to correspondence, she doesn’t like studying. But she didn’t go and deceive me, so as not to upset me. Wants to work. How she doesn’t understand and appreciate that so much MONEY was spent on her! so much strength! And I’m so ashamed in front of this dean, I feel like a schoolgirl. I’ll force her to finish her studies, even if I lead her by the hand. Tell me, what’s the best way to force her? and how should I behave with the dean so that I don’t feel so awkward? Me: your daughter works and she likes it. She's in good standing, am I right? Do you want to force her to quit and finish her studies?MOM: Yes, because I think that correspondence education has always been worse than full-time education. She must finish her studies Full-time. Me: Tell me, does the diploma indicate whether you received your education full-time or part-time. Mom: no Me: tell me, why is your daughter studying? Mom: to find a job Me: I understand correctly that she is already working in her specialty? How? Do you think skills and wealth are better formed in theory or in practice? Mom: of course in practice. I understand what you're getting at! But I think that I’m right and she should finish her studies full-time! Me: Okay, you have the right to think so. What does your daughter think? Mom: she’s against it, she wants to study by correspondence and work. But you never know WHAT stupid things she thinks, I know better.... Me: Do I understand correctly that she is 21 years old and she can’t decide for herself? Mom: yes, she can’t, I always protect her. At her age, I already worked and was married and suffered, I protect her. Me: from life? Mom: (irritated) now I’ll make you finish your studies as I said, and then let her work! The next time mom didn’t come to therapy, she wrote an SMS that there is no money to work on yourself... but this story is no longer relevant. I described that part of the consultation that relates to the topic. What do you think, site visitors and colleagues, why is the daughter so stupid and doesn’t want anything? Has anyone recognized themselves in this story? Answer yourself this question: How will a child become