From the author: From the section “Ask a psychologist a question” Question. Good day to you! I am 21 years old, but in my time I have seen a lot of things, tried a lot of things, worked in different areas in search of myself. Believe it or not, it even ended up in secret agencies. But that's not the point. The fact is that during all this time I could not find myself. My peers have fathers, good or bad, but they somehow guide their sons, maybe even against their will, but they have a way. As for me, I also have it, but I don’t know what it is. I don't know who I am, what I want, where I would be happy. I don’t want to waste time on trifles and get a job somewhere else, jump from ship to ball and vice versa. I know that only I and no one else can solve this issue. I'm just asking for help, at least where to start. I believe and know that I will achieve everything I want, this is not self-confidence - it is faith in myself and my strength. But the question is whether I need something or not. In general, the question is: how to recognize yourself? how to look inside? Of course, this is more a spiritual question than a psychological one. But I think someone will tell me something. Thank you in advance. Yuri. Answer: Hello, Yuri. I agree that your question is more of a spiritual than a psychological nature. Although in your words there was pain from the fact that you are deprived of your father’s instructions. And it must really be very painful - not to feel your father’s shoulder nearby or at least at a distance, not to feel visibly or invisibly his presence in your life. I don’t know all your history and I can’t say anything definite except words of respect and support. Support - because you are forced to cope on your own where others can count on the help of loved ones. Respect - because you find the strength to cope with it. As for the search yourself, then there is no clear recipe. You can engage in this search all your life, but still not fully understand yourself. Just be attentive to yourself - to your feelings, emotions, thoughts, desires, needs, interests; do not give up trying to get to know yourself better, and - I am sure - you will definitely find your own, right path. And regarding your question, where and in what you could be happy, I remembered one parable. A parable about how to catch happiness. Here she is. One day an old cat met a young kitten. The kitten ran in a circle and tried to catch its tail. The old cat stood and watched, and the young kitten kept spinning, falling, getting up and again chasing its tail. - Why are you chasing your tail? - asked the old cat. “They told me,” the kitten answered, “that my tail is my happiness, so I’m trying to catch it.” The old cat smiled as only old cats can do and said: “When I was young, they also told me that my happiness was in my tail.” I spent many days chasing my tail and trying to grab it. I didn’t eat or drink, I just chased my tail. I fell exhausted, got up and again tried to catch my tail. At some point I got desperate and left. I just went wherever my eyes led me. And you know what I suddenly noticed? - What? - the kitten asked in surprise. - I noticed that wherever I go, my tail goes with me everywhere.