The outcome of a quarrel largely depends on what happened in the relationship up to that moment: on whether difficult moments were clarified or they became “landmines”, whether the partners took responsibility for their realization of their desires or silently awaited action from another. You can read more about this in the articles “How to improve relationships without doing anything?” and “How to turn a relationship from a minefield into a safe haven?” However, even if a quarrel has already begun, it is within our power to avoid destructive consequences. This is what the article will discuss. Why is a quarrel scary and dangerous? Because we can give in to emotions. Then the situation will become uncontrollable, we will say something to a loved one that we will later regret. In a quarrel, it is important to take control of emotions into your own hands, and not surrender to their will. Here it is appropriate to recall the floods in our country. Every time floods come as a surprise in the spring, they cause panic and serious destruction. Is it surprising that floods occur in the spring when the snow melts? The same thing happens with emotions in a quarrel. Stunned by strong emotions, people panic. How can you avoid floods and their consequences? Get ready. Make diversion channels through which some of the water could painlessly leave the main flow. What can be done to build such “outflow channels” for emotions? First, ask yourself questions: “What’s wrong with me? What emotions am I experiencing? It is impossible to continue to “fight” and at the same time analyze your condition. Shifting the focus of attention to yourself allows you to reduce the intensity of emotions. Secondly, name your emotion. When we give something a name, it is easier for us to manage it. This is how people domesticated animals. Thirdly, give vent to emotions. This is inherent in the word “emotion” itself, which is translated: “from the inside out.” When we give vent to our emotions, it becomes easier for us to manage them and resolve the situation easier. How to do it? Say it out loud to yourself, write it on paper, tear it up and throw it away, draw it. In a quarrel, it is useful to pause. Leave the room or invite everyone to “cool down” and return to the conversation later. From the same series is the recommendation to “count to 10,” which many treat with irony. It's all about what to spend this time on. If you continue to “wind up” yourself and remember all the accumulated grievances, then you are only “adding fuel to the fire.” It's better to do things differently. Remind yourself of your feelings for your loved one, how dear he is to you. Remember situations when your emotions were also at their peak and then died down. A quarrel can last a very long time. It happens for several years. Why? Because not one of those quarreling was able to speak out completely, to be understood and heard. Accordingly, to quarrel correctly for the benefit of the relationship means giving the other the opportunity to speak out. Listen to him without interrupting. The question arises: “Who will listen to me?” It's a fair question. Therefore, it will be great to agree, when everything is calm, that during a quarrel you will speak for 5 (10) minutes in turn. One speaks and the other listens without interrupting. And you do this as long as there is a need, desire and strength. And then the chances that a quarrel will improve the relationship rather than destroy it are much higher. I hope that your quarrels with loved ones, if they happen, will be manageable, respectful and creative.