Let's take the example of a couple where the wife scolds the husband. He was guilty again. This could be for various reasons. Can't find a job, earns little. The wife threatens, sets conditions, but nothing changes. My husband swears, I will, I already...Who is the victim here? He or she? He may have been guilty of something else, perhaps even cheated. And then who is the victim? Was your wife hurt? Or is it now a husband who is being pressured? The situation is that both can be victims, and it depends on how exactly the person behaves in a stressful situation. How exactly does he try to resolve it? So, powerlessness. If someone in a conflict comes to the conclusion that everything is useless, that nothing will be achieved, but does not put up with the situation, for example, the husband cannot get his wife to calm down and leave him behind, and the wife cannot get her husband to change , if someone in a couple feels powerless, he is on the way to the state of a victim. Guilt. If accusations are added to this state, a search for those to blame. Example: I understand that you are good, you can’t do anything, your mother influences you. It is her fault that you are so incapable of earning money. The search for those to blame is a push to the fact that you are a victim. It is the victim who relieves himself and others of responsibility and obligations, and does not want to take them, like an adult. Example: we live poorly, it’s not my fault, I’m so good. And not you, you are also good, it’s your ex (who casts spells, manipulates children, etc.) Now, if he only understood, he would immediately change. If they had explained it to him, then everything would have fallen into place. And we will live happily. Hope. The hope of changing someone. As an example, a husband attended a training on personal growth and brings his wife to a consultation; it all comes down to blaming a loved one for his own and family’s problems and correcting them. A psychologist doesn't work like that. There is no point in changing anyone at will. I can’t offer serious work. But the husband doesn’t want to think about it, the wife needs to be changed, everything around needs to be changed for someone to do something. And then there will be happiness. Generalization. If you notice the following words in a conversation: always, never, how could it be otherwise... “She never understood me, he always does.” These words are always a lie and a mistake. Everything is definitely not right there. And the simplest thing is to find out whether it really could be different? Whose opinion is this? Has the partner always been like this? Why does the victim hold on to such words? She thinks she is more convincing this way. These words seem to be proof of that, but how could it be otherwise? That the person never cared about you at all. “She’s always whining. She is to blame, but how could it be otherwise.” This is not a sign for you to catch someone, but to watch yourself. Don’t you show yourself in this way? It’s noticeable to a person from the outside, but it seems to you that everything is natural. And by saying this, a person betrays himself. Every person is a victim, this is especially evident in the Karpman triangle. All roles are sacrificial. And a rescuer, and even an aggressor. It’s just that here the victim is veiled, under a mask. A person has no other way than to get what he needs and cope with his neurosis. And it’s bad if a person gets stuck in this. When his usual state is sacrificial. By doing this, he harms both himself and those who are nearby. Those who are nearby do not want to obey and meet the victim halfway, they simply turn away and try to live their own lives. That is, the victim ruins his own life. Resentment. If the victim needs someone to be at fault, then they can be offended. Resentment is perhaps the most characteristic behavior of a victim. Example: well, they passed me by again, everyone helped, but they didn’t help me. I have invested so much, but it didn’t give me any.... This is not about justice, the deeper a person is in the state of victim, the more often he is attracted to unfair treatment. And the point is not what happens, but how she gets used to reacting. As soon as the desire to blame everyone, to be offended, to measure in doses disappears, who got more and how they offended me, the reaction of other people changes. In essence, a person gives others a message - how he himself relates to the world. What does he expect from others? What he receives from others - but this is a reaction to the fact that he himself]