From the author: I continue the “Anamnesis” series of articles, they are available both on b17 and on my website, welcome! This story made an indelible impression on me. Mom came first. A modern middle-aged lady. - Doctor, I personally am fine. Can I bring my miracle to you? “I heard bitter irony in the way she pronounced the word “Miracle.” As it turned out later, such humiliation slipped into every mention of her daughter. My wild imagination pictured, based on the results of this introductory conversation, something between alcoholism and cerebral palsy, plus the obviously unsuccessful personal life of a potential client. “My misfortune”, “fool” and “klutz” clearly suffered from all psychological problems combined. My surprise knew no bounds when I finally saw her. A very beautiful girl, clearly of model appearance. At the same time, she was clearly embarrassed by her mother, who was pouring out streams of caustic eloquence on the somewhat stunned psychotherapist. In the presence of her daughter, the epithets became much more vivid and began to move from the category of insults to humiliation. And her hands grow from “one place,” and her tongue is in the same place. And her intellect is oligophrenic, and she communicates with people like a “complete idiot.” - What do you want from me? - I interrupt the flow. – Will you work on self-esteem? – Mom surprised me again. After being silent for a minute, and exchanging surprise within myself for anger, I voiced the question that interests me, “When was the last time you praised her? Now it’s time to be surprised by them.” Mom was puzzled, glanced at the ceiling, and triumphantly, “I remembered!” - turning to his daughter, - remember, two weeks ago?... - And how did you praise her? - I cautiously inquire, as vague doubts tormented, oh, tormented me... - I said, “I didn’t find you in a trash heap!” At this point, I considered it possible to continue working alone with the client, asking my mother to leave. For which I received such a glowing look of gratitude from my ward that for a minute I felt like a hero saving the beauty from a dragon... But my surprises continued. In order to come to my senses a little and give the same opportunity to the client, I began the conversation with ordinary anamnestic questions - where do you work, what do you do? She has been living and working in Tokyo for several years. She has a current contract with a modeling agency. I recently married a very wealthy man (“It’s true, he’s Japanese,” she said apologetically. Looking ahead, I’ll say that most of our time was spent analyzing the nuances of interethnic marriages.) But there really was a problem with self-esteem. Self-flagellation. This is her principle of life. Hard and cruel. With or without reason. Devaluation is included for some variety. I had a not very successful experience working with a psychologist. “I was never able to love myself,” she said sadly about the results of working with him. To the question why, we managed to hear an interesting answer when we delved into the VSD (internal self-harming dialogues). - How can I fall in love with a lahudra (this is from my mother) and a cow (and this is from my father)? External brightness and beauty, prosperity and professionalism mattered to her a very unpleasant reverse side - “I live in hell!”, “I feel VERY bad”... We did a lot of work during her vacation. We worked with self-esteem, parental instructions, separation, and personality boundaries (this especially helped in relationships with my husband). In my opinion, we did it. Little has changed externally. I remember the ardent promise to raise my children differently. To this day I am partial to this story. And, unfortunately, I turn to it very often in practice. For example. For example, sweet, beautiful, successful girls who consider themselves scammers, cows, idiots, monsters... And who have a parental order “Do not exist”, handed down with the best intentions by loving parents... About the order “Do not exist” http://www.docshevtsov. ru/#!Instruction-“Don’t-exist”-from-the-cycle-“Serious”/gzmo7/5728cbef0cf26d4f7c1c0f7cBe happy! And praise your children, don't let them live in hell! He Who Sees/